Nothing can be so wonderfully surreal as a really fine Kung Fu flick, and in this particular case I use the term quite literally. "The Kid With the Golden Arm" actually plays out like a filmed record of a dream, at least the type I frequently have. The plot begins with a disarmingly simple premise: a journey to another location, to achieve some sort of important goal. As in a dream, however, the purpose of the journey is vague at best, if not downright nonsensical, and due to an unending chain of circumstances the travelers are continually distracted from their purpose and never actually arrive.

From the opening pre-credit sequence, the audience is tipped off to the fact that they will be exploring a parallel dimension that has only a superficial resemblance to our mundane, waking world. A Government Bigshot explains how important it is to deliver a huge shipment of gold to the famine area (that's the only name this location ever receives). So right off the bat we are treated to the type of dream logic which will bombard us for the next ninety minutes. Gold? To the famine area? What are they going to do with it? Eat it? Use it to buy food? If so, then there must be food available, and thus it would not qualify as a famine area. It doesn't really matter, for as in all dreams it is not logic that prevails but emotion. The important thing is that there is a sense of urgency, that we must get there -- wherever there is.

All at once a messenger rushes in. "Master!" he says, then keels over dead with a knife in his back. The Government Bigshot instantly deduces what this means. It's the work of the evil Chi-Hsa gang, who mean to steal the gold before it can reach the famine area. Helpfully, he tells us who the four leaders of the gang are, giving each villain a chance to perform a brief kata against a solid backdrop while the credits roll. Meta-logically, the bad guys are named according to their martial arts attributes. The number one boss is Golden Arm, whose arms are so powerful they are impervious to weapons. Number two boss is Iron Robe, who uses a metal plated robe and fan. Number three is Silver Spear, who uses a...you guessed it. Number four is Brass Head, who uses his helmet to head-butt people to death. A line up like that can only mean trouble.

Government Bigshot has a plan, though. He has enlisted the help of his friends Long Axe and Short Axe, who are predictably skilled in the use of axes of varying lengths, Swordsman Yi, and one of the few characters to actually rate a name, Agent Hi-To. Right away we cut to Long Axe and Short Axe, walking through one of the garish, studio built exteriors that are one of the visual trademarks of Shaw Brothers studios. They exchange the type of clipped, stilted English dialogue that Kung Fu fans love so dearly, complete with frequent exclamations of "But still!" and "Right then!" (For example: "His kung fu is good! But still, he has a weakness! Right then! So we'll have to find it!)

They are suddenly confronted by the Seven Hooks, and if you've been paying attention you already know that they are seven guys who fight with large hook-like weapons. "Hey!" says Short Axe. "Must be the Seven Hooks. Do you care?" "Not much," replies his partner. "They'll be dead soon, so it doesn't matter." And with that, our two Axes promptly kill them all. So much for the menace of the dreaded Seven Hooks.

Next we are introduced to two more major players. First is Swordsman Yi's woman, who may actually have a name but it is rarely if ever mentioned. (Since she has no special martial arts skills, she doesn't rate a cool nickname.) She is attacked by the aforementioned Iron Robe but is saved by Agent Hi-To. (He is always referred to by this title, although he doesn't appear to be an agent for anyone in particular). Agent Hi-To is a master of drunken fist style fighting and thus always carries around jars of wine to keep himself perpetually drunk.

As all our diverse heroes gather with Government Bigshot to discuss transporting the gold, they are attacked by the Chi-Hsa gang. Brass Head pops up out of the floor (!) and head-butts people but is killed. Golden Arm shows up and promises to avenge his comrade's death. Iron Robe takes the cart with the gold, but the wheel falls off. Agent Hi-To manages to kill Iron Robe by tricking him into jumping and then spearing him from beneath. Government Bigshot and the rest proceed to move the gold to the famine area when all their men start falling over dead. How, you ask? The devious Chi-Hsa gang has placed poisoned needles all over the road and on all the surrounding trees! They continue by strapping boards to their feet and lay up for the night in an economically deserted town. More traps await as the gang have literally poisoned everything. Only Hi-To is safe, because he never drinks water.

In the morning, Hi-To scouts ahead, stopping at a local tavern to refuel. The patrons of the tavern are actually all Chi-Hsa members, led by Silver Spear. Hi-To kills them all except Silver Spear and is challenged to meet Golden Arm himself for a showdown. Swordsman Ti finds out about the duel and goes in place of Hi-To, even though his girlfriend pleads with him not to be a hero. Golden Arm makes short work of Yi. ("You're good with a sword, but if you lose it, you're finished! My arms always stay with me!")

Meanwhile, the remainder of Government Bigshot's men get spooked and desert. ("They're scared," says Long Axe. "Don't wanna die.") The two Axes run into Silver Spear, and they all kill each other. Swordsman Yi's girlfriend wants revenge against Golden Arm, but the chivalrous villain declines to kill her, since she has no nickname and really isn't worth the effort.

Suddenly, a hollow bamboo pole sticks out of the bushes toward her ear. Hi-To whispers to her to leave while she has the chance. "Come back in two hours. Then it'll all be finished." Government Bigshot arrives and, together with Hi-To, confronts Golden Arm. Bigshot doesn't fight, although he's supposed to be a famous swordsman. Hi-To defeats Golden Arm by spitting wine in his eyes, blinding him.

Then a duplicate Government Bigshot shows up! It turns out he's really Thunder Boot, an evil guy who kicks people to death. Thunder Boot kills his double, leaving us wondering why he needed a double in the first place. If the double could pose as the Government Bigshot, why couldn't Thunder Boot -- they're identical, after all.

Anyway, Hi-To kills him, and Swordsman Yi's girlfriend comes back to finish off the blinded Golden Arm. ("Who wants to retire anyway?" he asks ironically) Hi-To leaves to get good and hammered.

Directed by Chang Cheh, "The Kid With the Golden Arm" is one of the many highlights in a prolific career of producing downright strange movies. Much like Italian spaghetti westerns, Chang Cheh's films are stylized, hyper-violent, irrational odes to death and male bonding. Female characters, if there are any, exist mostly to mourn the dead, which tend to pile up like cord wood. Most films end with all but one or two main characters dead, and even the sympathetic love interests often do not survive. "The Kid With the Golden Arm" is the perfect example.