Ugh.

I have seen this movie twice -- once when I was seven and once two days ago. It didn't make sense then, and it sure doesn't now.

"Solar Crisis" starts off like this: first, some run-of-the-mill scientists are working furiously on some discovery. It seems that the sun, as it's getting old, is shooting out solar flares (this movie is set in 2050). Ok, the sun shoots out solar flares now. What's the big deal? Solar flares don't come near Earth, and in the rare event that they do, we only get hit with some electrons or radiation, which can take satellites down for a while. The most that can happen is that millions of people will be without HBO. But no! It seems that this solar flare is so big, it's going to burn the earth to a crisp. Really. A solar flare is going to travel 93 million miles and retain enough energy to torch the planet. So Earth sends up a space station (yes, a space station) to stop this. So for the next two hours, the space station travels to the sun. It has its problems along the way, because it was sabotaged. That's right, SABOTAGED. You see, the world's biggest industrialist has decided that the sun won't explode and has made sure that the mission will fail. Really. This is most of the movie.

So for filler, the writers came up with a subplot that involves that world's most powerful military man losing his grandson. The grandson is hitchhiking with a person I'll call the Colonel. So the World's Most Powerful Military Man is searching the world for his grandson. He (and the world's entire army) can't seem to find him. This kid is ROYALTY. Come ON. This kid is dressed in raggy clothes and has a dirty face, but he's royalty. You'd think he'd have a GPS, or a phone, but no.

I've just a few more things to say about this movie. Apparently truck drivers have been replaced by big, black trucks driven by computers. Wanna know something else? They use JET ENGINES! And they stop on a dime. And this grandson kid, who hasn't eaten for 48 hours, wins in a fight against a genetically engineered bodyguard.

It gets worse. Rent this movie if you wanna hurt yourself.

Rating: 0 turkeys.

Best line: From the computer truck: "YOU ARE IN VIOLATION. CLEAR THE HIGHWAY. YOU ARE IN VIOLATION. CLEAR THE HIGHWAY."

Thing that makes you go, "Huh?": Why this guy, the world's biggest industrialist, wants to sabotage the mission.

Spare yourself the pain. Rent something else.