Oh, man. This movie is perfect! Watch it immediately! It stars Julian Sands as the evil warlock (and if you don't think Julian Sands is a good actor, just watch some of the British movies he's been in) and the inimitable Richard E. Grant (who co-starred with Paul McGann in the excellent cult classic "Withnail & I"). Both are brilliant actors, who actually manage to make their characters totally believable, despite the ludicrousness of everything else in the film -- such as the lead actress, who, to be fair, puts in a good effort despite being so overshadowed by fine British talent. Her part is beyond recovery, however. She's a grown-up (sort of) runaway child who rents a room from a very nice guy who manages about three minutes of screen time before the warlock kills him.

Here's the plot. Back in the 1600s, there were witch trials, only in this version of the events, this was no Salem hoax -- there were real, honest-to-goodness witches and warlocks, including our villain. Our hero (Giles Redferne, played by Richard E. Grant) is a fur-clad witchhunter bent on avenging his true love, who was killed by the warlock. The warlock was captured in the 1600s but somehow escaped by opening a time hole into the 1980s. Redferne follows him to the present and somehow is not accused of being a witch, despite obviously practicing magic.

In the present, the warlock breaks into the house owned by the nice guy. He kills him after biting out his tongue, which he then spits into a frying pan. (The pan is hot, which cooks the tongue but somehow does not burn the house down, despite being unattended.) The girl who was renting a room from the guy ("Kassandra with a K," played by Lori Singer) has a curse put on her just before the warlock scrams. So when Redferne arrives, she has an incentive to go with him, as she will age fifteen years every day until the spell is broken or she croaks.

Turns out, the warlock is looking for the bits of a big ol' grimoire, the Grand Grimoire, which is sort of a witches' spellbook in this movie. This one contains the actual name of God, which, if spoken, gives the speaker total control over all creation. Why God would put such a design flaw into His creation is beyond me, but we'll let that slide for now. So the warlock is seeking out the bits of the book, part of which was hidden in the nice guy's house, and Redferne and Kassandra have to prevent him from using it. The last bit of the grimoire turns out to be clutched in the hands of Redferne's decayed corpse, buried since the 1600s, leaving no doubt as to whether or not he'd survive the film.

Things we learn about witches in this film: Witches can fly. To do this, they need the fat of an unbaptized child born out of wedlock (or something like that). Witches can make your eyes bleed if you let on that you're scared of them. (This is best cured by touching makeshift mobiles made out of old keys.) Witches can be hurt if you pound nails into their footprints -- if they happen to be walking barefoot. (This scene is hilarious! Watching the Kassandra hunting him down with murder in her eyes and nails in her mouth is something that must be seen to be believed.) Witches don't like salt. Witches can't touch holy ground or dirt that happens to be sitting on holy ground. Witches can be located if you've got some of their blood and either an elaborate sundial, sextant, or any handy pointed metal object. Oh, and witches don't mind consulting obviously fake fortune tellers.

Ok, so a lot of this is based on actual witch legend, but it's so hacked together that it hardly matters. There are some halfway decent special effects, and Julian Sands does a great creepy look that fits his character better than the script does. Richard E. Grant's 1600s accent is well executed, and there are a few scenes between him and Kassandra that are actually good. Genuine character development happens. But apart from that, this is a very silly movie. I highly recommend it to bad movie lovers and Richard E. Grant fans alike! I watch this movie frequently.

Rating: 2 turkeys; it's actually not bad and has some good horror stuff in it, but if seen in the right mood, this has all the elements of a bad movie. Great MST3K fodder.

Scene to watch for: Kassandra removing the last piece of the grimoire from Redferne's grave. He's been dead quite a long time, and she has to snap off his fingers to get the book out, providing a running monologue to Redferne. Oh, also the scene when a stewardess tries to prevent Redferne, with a massive cast iron weathervane strapped to his back, from boarding a plane.

Best line: Stewardess: "I'm afraid you'll have to check this, sir." Redferne: "Over my dead body." Kassandra: "Heh heh...family heirloom." And the stewardess lets her take the thing on board. Sheesh. That's gotta be *way* too big to fit in an overhead bin.

Things to make you go "Huh?": Why the heck is a domestic flight from the Midwest to Boston running on a 747 other than to provide a shot of somebody's bare feet for a moment of suspense?