This is an action movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. This means, of course, that there is lots of fighting and bad acting. Van Damme plays Gibson Rickenbacker, a typical action hero troubled by his past. Much of the movie is composed of flashbacks that let us know just how tortured by the horrible events in his memory he is. The bad memories are all caused, of course, by the big baddie, which he has vowed to kill. The title comes from the woman that Gibson is supposed to protect. She has a flashback that shows her getting turned into a cyborg, presumably so she could finish her mission more easily, but the cybernetic enhancements don't seem to help her any -- she has to be the weakest character in the movie. Most of her screen time is devoted to her running away from the big baddie or being captured or something.

Her mission is to get the cure for the plague, currently ravaging the post apocalyptic countryside. Well, the big baddie captures the cyborg so he can be a god (I have no idea how he intends to have this happen), and Gibson goes after them, intent on revenge.

The path they follow goes through the wasteland. Now, when I think of a wasteland I think of a desert-like environment where nothing lives. The wasteland in Cyborg, however, is lush and green! On the way they have a few fights, and Gibson gets crucified. I'm not sure if this was meant to be ironic or not: he manages to escape his certain death by having a bunch of flashbacks and then kicking the post he is hanging on. Never mind that it is a thick board of wood, and he has almost no leverage; he manages to break it. Even though he has been hanging on this cross for quite a while, he manages to get to the final destination before the big baddie. They have a fight, the baddie is killed, Gibson is reunited with his long lost daughter, the cyborg is delivered, and the movie is over.

Scene to watch for: Claymation cyborg!

Things that make you go "Huh?": So was the main evil guy a cyborg? Why were his eyes weird? If he was a cyborg how did he become one? Did I miss something?

Response From RinkWorks:

Here is a little game I play whenever I watch a Van Damme movie: Try to find the point where he does his famous jumping spin kick. It's usually not hard to spot, as it is usually done in agonizing slow motion so we can all admire how skilled Van Damme is, but it is at least something to look forward to in what is usually an otherwise painful movie. And trust me, he does it in *every* movie at least once. I can't think of a Van Damme movie that I've seen where he didn't use this spin kick.

If you don't know which kick I mean, it's the one where Van Damme starts out facing his opponent, then jumps up, spins 360 degrees clockwise, and smacks the bad guy in the head with his right foot. It looks tres cool, but it's probably the least effective martial arts kick in the world, as any reasonably competant martial artist could get out of the way of that kick in a flash and beat the crap out of a helpless Van Damme.

Also, while I have the chance, I'd like to repeat a funny I read in (I think) Mad Magazine. Jean Claude is often billed as the "Kickboxing Champion of Belgium". However, being the Kickboxing Champion of Belgium is roughly equivalent to being the bullfighting champion of Alaska.