I should have known what to expect from this movie, since I saw it on USA. As the Filmmaker's Exam tells us, that is a no-no. Come to think of it, I *did* know what to expect from this movie, so I wasn't surprised whan it was wretched.

Pierce Brosnan stars in this film, a fact I was never was quite sure of until the credits (I guess the script writing was distracting me too much for me to notice little things like the stars). He plays an expert bomb-squad guy who got "promoted" to the FBI (I was unaware it worked like that). He's assigned to a really tough case in which senators keep dying in mysterious explosions, and no trace of an explosive can be found. If this seems to you like a good plot, that's because you don't know how it resolved.

There is the token fat guy, the token black guy, and the token robot named Madonna (don't ask; I don't know either) who looks like an enlarged version of R.O.B. (you remember him -- he came with NES control decks in the original release) and is operated by an oversized remote control. This is the bomb squad. Boy, do I feel safe.

It turns out that Pierce's wife (his new wife -- his old one left him) is sleeping with Senator Frank, and Senator Frank just happens to be in charge of the investigation. So, naturally, Pierce threatens his life a couple times, breaks into his house, and gets pulled from the investigation. Not that this stops him from continuing said investigation or causes anyone to care that he hasn't stopped.

It turns out that the "bombs" are the victims themselves -- they're fed this magic potion that reacts with the acids in their stomachs to cause them to explode (the scene in which this is explained is so hideously unscientific it made me cringe). Then it is discovered that it will react with any acid -- not just stomach acid. So, naturally, a deranged clown tries to kill everyone by pushing a lemonade cart into a fountain of the stuff. Pierce and the clown fight in the fountain (I was amazed that neither of them accidentally injested any of the water until the script told them to), and the clown explodes. I hate it when that happens, don't you?

Pierce's first wife shows up at his apartment and then disappears mysteriously from the movie forever.

Eventually, Pierce rescues Senator Frank (who was really a bad guy -- surprise! alarm!) by blowing up his (uninsured) house and killing all the bad guys. He gets shot several times in the chest at close range with a machine gun, writhes in pain for a couple seconds, and then is "all better." He and Senator Frank run to the attic (it's always a good idea to run to somewhere that you can't escape from), and then the villain comes in with Pierce's girl and a vial of the magic potion, which, rather than doing anything bright like giving it to the girl, he DRINKS IT HIMSELF, uttering "diffuse this" or something. Apparently he has forgotten that that will make him a completely ineffective trap -- the potion paralyzes him before it makes him blow up. So they escape.

Pierce goes to the hospital, gets "even more better," and quits his job (though he still gets called in to save people -- you'd think that if disarming a bomb were this easy, everyone would do it). He gets back together with his (second) wife, and they have a baby. Senator Frank mysteriously disappears from the plot, and we never find out if he survives or not.

My review, unfortunately, cannot do justice to the script writing -- the dialogue is some of the worst I've ever heard. It must be heard to be believed.

Rating: two turkeys.

Best line: "I want a raise." / "No."

Scene to watch for: The deranged clown.

Things that make you go "Huh?": Why did he drink the bloody potion?

Response From RinkWorks:

I liked the movie better than you did, but I certainly agree that the basic storyline is, well, outrageous. -- Sam.