First, I'd like to say that no Oscar winning movie should EVER spawn four sequels.

Secondly, if you have followed the Rocky series, you should know that it's plagued by major inconsistencies. I would like to bring up the biggest one. Rocky's title reign.

Rocky won the belt around 1979 and held it until around 1991 (excluding the time he lost it to Clubber Lang) with only a handful of matches. What the HELL does this guy do on his off time??? Anyway, for the sake of entertainment, let's forget about this little flaw and move on to the review.

The movie begins with Rocky in the shower after his fight with Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. Ok, hold on one second here. If I recall, Rocky IV was made around 1986. Rocky V was somewhere around 1991. HAS HE BEEN IN THE SHOWER FOR FIVE YEARS?? Boy he must be REALLY wrinkled! Once again, for the sake of entertainment, let's pretend it's still 1986, although his son seems to be 6 years older and everything looks and seems like it's the 90s.

So then, Rocky finds out two things that make this movie completely stupid. One: He got hit in the head too many times, and now he's dumb (although this would explain the stupid speech at the end of part IV). He didn't "get dumb" like real boxers do though. All he did was turn into "old Rocky" from the first couple of movies. If you follow the Incredible Hulk comic book, they do the same thing where they alternate between "smart" grey Hulk and "dumb" green Hulk. Two: Paulie, his best friend and drunken right hand man, lost all of Rocky's money. I don't know how you lose that much money. I don't really care either.

The next scenes consist of Rocky announcing his retirement, selling all his stuff and moving back to his old neighborhood in Philly. I'm guessing the writers (one of which I believe was Sylvester Stallone himself) decided that the first Rocky won an Oscar because Rocky was dumb and lived in a poor neighborhood.

Next is what starts getting confusing. In what seems like the time span of a week, there's a new champ and a big Don King-esque guy in the boxing world. Ok...what's going on? If in fact this movie took place right after part IV, where the heck did these guys come from? In a week, no less! Again, let's forget about it for the sake of entertainment.

Rocky's in a gym one day, and in comes Tommy Gunn. Yes, his real name is supposed to be Tommy Gunn. Tommy wants Rocky to train him, Rocky refuses, Tommy begs, and then not only does Rocky train him, but he lets him live with him, too! Yeah, that's right, poor dumb Rocky lets like five people live in his house. Well, amazingly, Tommy is really good at boxing and starts climbing up the ranks. Enter the new champ and the Don King impersonator. They brainwash Tommy into becoming bad. Tommy becomes bad and beats the champ in a fixed fight. Tommy then challenges Rocky to "one last match." Rocky refuses....unless...the match takes place...IN THE STREETS!!!

With the help of the ghost of Mickey, Rocky predictably wins the match, and the movie ends.

Oh yeah, there was a boring subplot going on where Rocky's son started to hate him because he payed more attention to Tommy. Paulie teaches him how to fight. I have no idea where Paulie learned to box, nor do I care at this point. Anyway Rocky's son becomes a bad boy for a little while, symbolized by his pierced ear. Then he becomes a wuss again.

In closing, besides "Over the Top," this is the dumbest Sylvester Stallone movie of all time. ("Death Race 2000" was the dumbest, actually, but he didn't have a main role in that.)

Rating: two turkeys (one if you don't like Rocky movies)

Best line: "Hey Paulie...what's a cojones?"

Response From RinkWorks:

If I remember correctly, at the beginning of Rocky III, it is said that Rocky has defended the title successfully ten times. Ten times in twelve years may not seem like much, but I don't think it's all that unusual for the heavyweight champ of the world to go a year or more between title defenses. Maybe I'm wrong, though, because I don't follow boxing much.

Also, on the money issue -- I believe Paulie gave control of Rocky's finances to a crooked accountant, who had been skimming for years and finally took off with whatever was left.

But, of course, it's still a stupid movie. I think the fist fight in the streets is my all-time least favorite fight scene in movie history. It's boring, repetitive, and predictable. Yikes.