Get ready for potato chip-eatin', guacamole-lovin', beer gut-heaving martial arts excitement! This movie is about a Kung Fu cop who -- and I mean this in the nicest way -- weighs at least seven million pounds and couldn't Kung Fu his way out of a paper bag (or so it would be if this movie had the slightest respect for the laws of physics in regard to our flabby hero).

Our Blob...er...Hero is your average Bad Movie Kung Fu Cop. Someone he knows (daughter, sister, heck, it could have been his insurance agent for all the explanation the movie gave) gets murdered, and the murderer gets arrested.

Meanwhile, Fatzilla has met a nice press lady and falls into bed with her about ten minutes later (not ten minutes our time, ten minutes their time). Later, he goes to a police station to do something regarding the murderer's trial. Murderer's redneck family shows up and takes everyone hostage, their terms being: release the murderer. Of course, because physical laws do not apply, Officer Flab is able to ooze out of his chair, and he Kung Fus them all to death.

The murderer (whose name is Keagan) goes to trial, represents himself, fails, and goes to death row, where he meets a man he framed for murder sometime before the movie started. They scuffle, and Keagan kills the other man.

Back to the Huge Disgusting Fat Guy We're Supposed To Root For. He's really angry at Keagan, and so he decides to go on a commando raid into the prison to exact revenge. He gets his gear from Ernest (yes, THAT Ernest, of the notorious "Ernest Goes To..." movies) and sets off.

At the same time, Keagan is escaping from prison. As fate would have it, their paths cross, and Keagan ends up falling from a roof onto a giant electrical transformer. Of course, if the laws of physics had been obeyed in THIS scene, Our Hero would have fallen through the roof, the rest of the prison, and most likely, the earth. But instead, he has a good laugh with some friends and walks off, regardless of the fact that he just BROKE INTO A PRISON AND MURDERED SOMEONE (in fact, several someones).

Rating: four turkeys. Too much bad acting, horrific special effects, and terrible scriptwriting to leave this one out of Bad Movie Circulation.

Scene to watch for: Cellulite Man Kung Fus Keagan's family.

Best line: Sorry, can't remember one. I blew it. ;-]

Things that make you go "Huh?": How does that guy not collapse under the weight of his own flab? HOW?!?!?!