Any movie featuring exploding hookers has to be good, right?

Wrong. Enjoyable, certainly, but not good. Here's the idea. This guy named Jeff Franken, who is obsessed with making ridiculously over-elaborate machinery that doesn't work, and his family are having a barbecue. The crowd includes his girlfriend, Elizabeth. His dad is demonstrating the new lawnmower, and it accidentally cuts her into tiny bits.

Jeff goes insane, creates some super-crack (about four pounds of it), and goes out and picks up some hookers. The hookers smoke the super-crack and explode in huge firework displays. Meanwhile, their pimp, whose name is Zorro (there is a guy in the bar with a black mask, but that isn't Zorro -- he's just a wanna-be), storms in and gets hit in the face with a flying hooker head. Jeff collects the body parts and heads back to his lab.

Meanwhile, back at the lab, Jeff takes Elizabeth's miraculously-undamaged head out of his tub of purple goo (which doesn't really seem to serve any purpose) and attaches it to random hooker parts. The surplus parts he inexplicably dumps in the tank of purple goo. Then he raises the reconstructed body into the air (after adding plenty of "watts"), where it gets struck by lightning approximately sixty-seven thousand times. Lightning also strikes Jeff, his machinery, and the tank of purple goo. Heck of a storm. The platform comes back down, and the miraculously-unharmed Jeff gets up and proceeds to be floored by one backhand-slap from Frankenhooker herself. That's right; the lightning bolt didn't bother him, but one slap and he's down.

Frankenhooker then proceeds to blow some people up, and eventually Jeff finds her, brings her back (after Zorro punches her head off), and fixes her. She regains her "real" memories, and they talk for a while, until Zorro comes in and chops Jeff's head off with a knife.

I won't give away the surprise ending, so don't ask.

Rating: four turkeys. (I can't give it five because it was bad on purpose.)

Scene to watch for: Zorro cuts Jeff's head off.

Best line: "When a man loses his hoes, he loses everything."

Things that make you go "Huh?": Why Jeff puts the body parts in the purple goo.