On a recent trip to Blockbuster, I not only picked up and laughed at "Deathstalker IV," but after browsing a reader review of the first "Missing In Action" movie, I decided to pick up the third in the series. Needless to say, on the way out, the checkout staff was having a case of the chuckles.

The basic premise of this movie is that Braddock (his last name; why no one calls him "Jim" is a mystery to me) loses his wife and takes her for dead in the fall of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War. Then, twelve years later, he goes back to get her.

During the chaotic fall of Saigon, Braddock's wife (who's name I don't even want to try to pronounce) is packing clothes and then leaves to find him. Her friend stays behind and dies when a missile hits their apartment (the only thing on the block that is destroyed), and so Braddock thinks it's his wife who died. Anyway, Braddock gets in to his helicopter looking sad and pensive (which always comes off as confounded and oblivious), and when a Vietnamese businessman tries to get aboard, Braddock shoves him to the ground. The man pulls out a really small handgun and shoots Braddock in the back, after which the helicopter's machine gun pumps the guy with at least twenty rounds of lead. Overkill seems to be the theme even from the start.

Skip ahead twelve years later, and Braddock is sitting in a bar looking sad and pensive (confounded and oblivious), when a priest comes in and asks to speak with him in private. They sit down at a table, and the priest tells of this woman who he knows that worked for the American embassy in the Vietnam War and who has a half American son. He spells it out pretty clearly, but Braddock still has no clue what he's talking about.

Once he finally gets a clue, he shoves the priest off, and, when he leaves the bar, the CIA pick him up and take him to a stereotypical dark office, where some CIA henchman tells him not to go get his wife. Why the CIA would have any logical reason for keeping a poor Vietnamese woman in Vietnam is a mystery to me and remains that way throughout the movie, despite the constant conflicts from the CIA.

Anyway, he leaves and goes to Vietnam and meets this guy to obtain some equipment. (Basically just follow every one-man-war-movie cliche ever to get the gist of this story.) He then beats up some CIA guys who are emphatic that he doesn't go into Vietnam.

Nevertheless, he does and uses a "Super Boat" to outrun the Vietnamese gunboats. Then, destroying whatever was left of his low profile, he rides brazenly through a fishing port.

He meets his wife and son, beats up some guards, and returns to his boat (which could never hold three people). Suddenly he stops! Something is wrong! About a dozen searchlights turn on, and at least a hundred soldiers show up surrounding him. Apparently an entire regiment snuck up on them.

The diabolical general introduces himself and claims that he made a connection between the "Super Boat" and the fact that the priest had just returned from the U.S., and he came up with Braddock. How this logic works, I don't know. Nevertheless, he shoots Braddock's wife (he deserved it for bringing her up anyway) and takes them both away.

Then comes the obligatory torture scene where the general laughs maniacally a lot, and if Braddock gives in to the torture, his son is killed by a rigged shotgun. It works ok until he finally gives in, and we find out that the gun isn't even loaded. And they supposedly sat there for two hours for nothing? Gee, I guess I don't see the point in that. Anyway, Braddock snaps some necks and escapes, shooting a dozen guys in the process.

So the evil general kidnaps the priest for helping Braddock. And in another display of bringing up people who aren't involved, the general decides to take all the kids from the mission as well.

Now Braddock suits up with all his gear. He hasn't slept in two days, but what the heck. He gets into the stereotypical base by holding onto the bottom of a truck, although it was going about 40 mph when he grabbed on. Anyway, he plants some stereotypical explosive decoys (which he doesn't detonate until he's on his way out for some reason) and rescues a girl from getting raped.

Meanwhile as the children are packing themselves into a truck, Braddock stands (literally just stands there, doesn't move or anything) out in the open and fires a few hundred rounds into a regiment of guards, most of which are shooting at him from strategic positions but for some reason can't hit him.

They escape, but a helicopter is chasing them. The helicopter misses with about 30 rounds of stinger missiles (which, by the way, are heat seaking and would have hit automatically). Then, simply by driving off the road and parking in low brush, Braddock manages to "lose" a low-flying helicopter. Apparently everyone aboard had cataracts. Finally they notice the truck (not until after everyone is off) and miss the stationary target a few times before blowing it up.

The children and Braddock travel on foot to an airstrip where Braddock gets them a plane. But the general, whose remaining lines in the movie consist of "Braddock! Braddock! (Some Vietnamese)", shoots up the plane, predictably causing them to have no fuel. They get as far as the Thailand border, where for some reason American troops are waiting. Braddock (who got hit with a grenade and should be dead) and his son manage to aim a machine gun at the helicopter preventing their escape. Of course, it blows up (killing the diabolical general) in the process, and good ol' Chucky limps across the bridge with his son. After some dramatic quote about how 15,000 kids are still "trapped" in Vietnam, the credits roll.

Turkey Rating: 3 1/2, because the fight scenes are hilarious.

Scene to watch for: Chuck Norris in one of those Asian pointed hats.

Best line: "I don't step on toes, Little John -- I step on necks."

Things that make you go "Huh?": He. Never. Gets. Shot... Never.