Archives: Bungled Assassination
8/7/01
RinkChat is a generally friendly place. We all look out for each
other. It should be noted that we don't take contracts out on our fellows
unless it's absolutely necessary.
Stephen: Elly is still alive. I want my five grand back you potzer.
Sam: I couldn't help it. Every time I got near her with a knife or a wire cord or something, she had something to defend herself with. She had mace, Huge Knives, the Ellzooka, and for that matter I never knew what she was going to spike with arsenic. But the worst part...
Sam: ...was that I'm pretty sure that even if I *had* succeeded, her cadaver would have written about it in her notebook and implicated me.
Stephen: LOL!! Okay, fair enough. I still want my money back though.
Sam: The agreement was cash on delivery, not cash in advance. I'm not stupid.
Stephen: Uh, I thought it was half up front, half on delivery. I sent you the money. SOMEBODY signed for it.
Sam: Oh, that would be the person I sent to intercept it and deposit it in a Swiss bank account. But *I* didn't take the money, and a warrant to search my own accounts and funds won't turn up anything!
Stephen: I want my money back!
Sam: Don't whine to me. Go complain to the guy that took it, that guy with whom I'm not affiliated.
Stephen: Said guy signed for it AT YOUR HOUSE.
Sam: At my house, or at what I said was my house?
Stephen: The latter. Disirregardless, you are affiliated with said person.
Sam: I actually don't live in West Lebanon, believe it or not.
Stephen: Don't upset me further. I'm hiring someone COMPETENT to take care of Elly. I'm sure he'd give me a good rate to ice you, too.
Sam: I could use some ice. It's hot today.
Stephen: Oh, don't worry. Before soon you will be QUITE cold, I assure you.
Mia: OH! I was IN WEST LEBANON.
Sam: Seriously? That RULES.
Mia: Yup! I made Ticia and Don stop there for cold medicine and Cup o' Noodles. They wouldn't go to the Marriott, though....
Sosiqui: Elly was alive as of... whenever this postcard was postmarked.
Sosiqui: August 3rd. She was still alive then, unless an impostor wrote it.
Ghost_of_Leen: I got his check. 
Stephen: LEEN TOOK IT!?
Stephen: I want it back!
Ghost_of_Leen: noooo
Sam: Note that I am not affiliated with Leen at all.
Monkeyman: I haven't showered because I let Ryan shave.
Monkeyman: I might shower soon, wind permitting.
Stephen: OKAY! THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE
Sam: When I testify in court that I don't know, nor have ever known, Leen, it'll be my word against yours and a marriage certificate. Since I'm innocent until proven guilty, you don't have a chance.
Stephen: Look, that money was specifically for killing Elly. Either Elly dies or I get my money back.
Sam: Oh. Why didn't you tell me that's what you wanted? Fine, then. Ellie dies.
Stephen: Okay.. When?
Sam: I'll fly out to Sacramento next weekend, at no charge to you, and slip a slow-acting drug into her food. In seventy or eighty years, she'll be pushing up daisies.
Stephen: YES!!! It will seem totally natural, too!!
Stephen: GOOD PLAN!
Sosiqui: Now that's sneaky.
Monkeyman: Sam is a brilliant assassin.
Stephen: You'll get the other half of the money when she dies.
Sam: Works for me.
Stephen: Man, this is going to be so sweet. I can't wait until 2080!
* Marvin wonders if Stephen will be alive in 2080
Stephen: Oh, I'm going to live forever. Or die trying.
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