Main      Site Guide    


Archives: WHAMMO!


Here's another one of those anecdote-laden chat sessions. This time, the stories have to do with drunkenness, embarrassment, and whacks to the head.

Dave: Then there was the time I was walking down the sidewalk in a snowstorm and I was just walking minding my own business and then I looked up and WHAMMO the sidewalk plow was about four feet in front of me bearing down fast and I had to jump into the road to avoid death because the sidewalk plow driver wasn't even going to bother to yell or anything he was just going to run be down probably because he was in a union and it didn't say in the union rules that you have to warn pedestrians so he didn't.
Sam: LOL!! I don't remember hearing about that one.
Ellmyruh: LOL!! Dave, you have the bestest stories!
* Dave has a lot of great stories few people have heard.
Dave: Unfortunately. I have to do some work now. Later!
Dave is away.
Ellmyruh: Dave is mean. He says he has stories to tell and then he says he has to leave. Humpf.
* Sam will tell stories instead.
* Washu *loves* hearing stories.
Ellmyruh: Yes, Sam!!!
* Sam flexes the storytelling parts of his brain.
* Washu drops several large pillows on the floor and glues them down such that a fight cannot ensue, then sits on one. Story time!
Sam: There is this prank I always wanted to play, back in school, where you walk up to someone and say, "Hi!!! Wow, it's been a long time since I saw you!"
Mousie: Let me guess, you really HAD met the person before?
Sam: The idea is, you get to watch the victim, a total stranger of course, squirm, wondering where you've met.
Sam: However, Mousie has just ruined the end to this story, and so I shall think of another.
* Mousie curtsies.
Mousie: Gimme another. "Stump the Mousie"
Ellmyruh: So in the end you were the stupid one?
Sam: Well, I actually saved face in it. I said, "Hey! Been a long time since I saw you!" or some such, and, to my surprise, the reply was a cool, "Yeah, it's been a while."
Sam: I went with it, and it came out that he was part of a study group for the final exam of my psych course that I took in the first semester of my first year.
Ellmyruh: Ah, so you actually came out ahead because you "remembered" the person.
Sam: Right.
Ellmyruh: Hmmmm...something's wrong with that picture :)
Sam: What's wrong?
Ellmyruh: I dunno. You just came out ahead in your own prank!
Sam: Yeah, well, that's the idea of pranks. But I never tried that one again.
Sam: However, I came out behind on what would have been a GREAT prank played on my parents-in-law-to-be.
Sam: Leen's parents were going to pick us both up at school to go home for the weekend. On April Fools Day.
Sam: The joke was, that I had prepared a note that said, "Sorry about the damage to your car" and had a fake name, address, and phone number on it.
Sam: I hid in the bushes outside Leen's dorm and waited for her parents to pull up into the parking lot. My hiding place was sort of on a hill/ledge thing, around which were paths leading into the dorm. There were trees and shrubbery all over it, so it was a good hiding place.
Sam: So they pulled up into the parking lot, got out, and started walking in.
Sam: I shifted around as they walked around the path, until they were on the other side of the hill thing and by the dorm door.
Sam: So I leapt out of my hiding place, raced down the hill, charged into the parking lot, stuffed the note under the windshield wiper, and doubled around through the other dorm entrance.
Ellmyruh: (I wonder if I know how this is going to end.)
Sam: I surreptitiously nodded to Leen, indicating that the deed was done, and eventually we all headed out to the car.
Sam: And as we approached, my excitement turned to extreme horror.
Sam: I had put the note on the wrong car.
Laqril: LOL!
splcam: doh
Ellmyruh: LOL!!!!! I knew it!!! hahahahaha!
Ellmyruh: That is hilarious!!
Washu: Heh heh heh.
Mousie: lol!!
BurgerKing: That's hilarious, Sam.
Laqril: poor Sam
Sam: That joke SO would have ruled.
Ellmyruh: Sam, in retrospect I bet it makes a better story than if you had gotten the note on the right car.
Sam: The funny thing about that is, everybody was laughing, and her parents were saying I'd never live that incident down.
Sam: Well, that's not the funny part. The funny part is that I appeared to have lived it down. I thought it would be one of those stories that would get told endlessly, but it hasn't. It hasn't really been mentioned much since a few days after it happened.
Sam: That was five or so years ago.
Sam: So I'm thinking maybe I'll be able to play that joke on them again and get it right.
Dave: Then there was the time in fifth grade when me and my friend were playing on the teeter-totter and we both decided to get off at the same time except I guess I was quicker because I slid off the seat and he shot down and my end shot up and whacked me right under the jaw and chipped my two front teeth and I was so mad I got up and punched the kid right in the nose (no I didn't really I was in too much pain I was lying on the ground crying).
splcam: I once had a garden slide fall on me
Sam: Mousie: I know you have stories. Gimme one of yours.
Mousie: Well, there was this one time? When I was little? And my mom worked in this factory? So we couldn't call her at work or anything, because they couldn't be pulling her off the line just to take a phone call from one of her three kids. So one time, my older brother? He was doing something, I don't remember what, but I remember he was ticking me off, so I threatened to call my mom at work. And I got out the phone book? And I looked up the number? And then I dialed Time and Temperature instead and pretended to ask for my mom and my brother punched a hole in the closet door.
Sam: Wow? That story is awesome?
Washu: Hee hee hee.
Ellmyruh: Mousie, that Rules!!
Sam: I think I might have faked calling Mom in front of my little brother, too.
Sam: But I don't remember any specific incident.
Mousie: My brother has punched inanimate objects for most of his life.
Ellmyruh: So he got in trouble, too? :)
Mousie: Probably not. He was always punching things.
Laqril: My brother has punched me for most of my life.
* JOY has punched/kicked/fallen through many a wall over the years
Mousie: Then there was another time, but I don't remember when, when he was beating me up or something so I kicked or punched him in the one place men/boys hate to be kicked or punched and he told me he'd probably never have kids because of me and guess what? He never has. I wonder if that's because of me?
Sam: Probably. Everything's because of you. :-)
Mousie: Well, at least SOMEONE realizes that. ;-)
* Ellmyruh makes a mental note to be nice to Mousies.
Dave: Then there was the time I was walking down the street at night (right near the place where I almost met my end at the hands of the sidewalk plow driver) and I saw a street sign so I decided to do I big flying spinning karate kick and nail it but I don't fly so well so instead I just did a spin kick but then my foot hit the sign and sort of got stuck there somehow and I lost my balance and fell over and a bunch of drunk frat boys saw me and laughed at me.
Brunnen_G: That rules.
Ellmyruh: Dave, I think I have missed out on a whole bunch of laughs in life by not knowing you.
Laqril: Yeah, Dave's funny. I wonder why I never had funny friends.
Dave: Then there was the time my friends and I were in gym class in high school and we were playing basketball and we lost the ball and it went way over to the other side of the gym so one of my friends went to get it and he was all they way across the gym and hurled the ball towards us and I had my back turned and my other friend was watching and suddenly got this huge smile on his face and then WHAMMO the ball nailed me right in the head and I went down in a heap.
Ellmyruh: Dave! Hehehehe.
Laqril: now we know why Dave's messed up!
splcam: All Dave's stories end with him being smacked in the face or on the brink of exhaustion. How do you cope?
Dave: Then there was the time this same friend who did the basketball thing and I were in gym together and he jumped up on the bleachers to retrive an indoor soccer ball and then was going to drop off the bleachers and punt the ball at the same time but I just happened to be walking by and he didn't see me and WHAMMO the ball nailed me right in the face as he dropped down and punted it--the ball never even got off his foot he basically just drove the ball with his foot into my face.
Ellmyruh: OH MY WORD, Dave! Geesh, these stories seem to never end!
Laqril: It's amazing Dave's ALIVE!
Brunnen_G: Why do all Dave's stories end with Dave being hit in the face with something?
Mia: Poor Dave :-( You must be thick-headed.... ;-)
Dave: Then there was the time when we were actually *playing* indoor soccer in gym and a different friend this time had a breakaway on me while I was playing goalie and I saw him sizing me up and he wound up and kicked the ball and WHAMMO it hit me right between the eyes and I went down--he appologised later and said he was sorry for hitting me in the face as he had been aiming for my crotch.
Mia: lol
* Ellmyruh gives Dave a metal box to live, walk, and breathe in.
splcam: I think this goes to show that physical exercise is actually bad for your health
splcam: or at least for your survival chances
Brunnen_G: Dave, why isn't your face on the other actual side of your head by now?
Dave: I'm not entirely sure.
Brunnen_G: Yeah, Dave, you should get out and do some double daffies on the ski slopes to relax and get away from all this pain
Ellmyruh: Take a camera with you, Dave.
Dave: Gah!
* Mia hates....repeat HATES...gym.
Laqril: We should get someone to videotape Dave's life.
Ellmyruh: Oooh, yeah! It would be "The Dave Show" instead of The Truman Show!
splcam: davetv
Mia: I'm not sure I want to see Dave's life.... ;-)
* Nyperold threw a basketball once (well, I've thrown b-balls many times, but anyway) and it hit a tree limb (this was outside) and the limb sprang back and WHAMMO! The ball hit me right in the nose.
Washu: You deserved it; attacking the poor tree like that!
BurgerKing: I broke my arm running into a wall, once.
Brunnen_G: I broke two of my front teeth and seriously bent my nose, running full tilt into a wall with my eyes closed
Mousie: Nice conversation you started, Sam. This is truly, um, yeah. ;-)
Dave: Then there was the time I was at the river swimming and I picked up a rock and for some indecipherable reason threw it STRAIGHT UP and then realized it was going to hit me (WHAMMO) right in the head so I started to run but triped over another rock and fell down and scraped my knees but thankfully the other rock didn't hit me.
Ellmyruh: Don't throw a brick/rock straight up.
Nyperold: LOL! Don't throw a rock straight up!
* Brunnen_G thinks Dave rules.
Washu: One girl in my class back in elementary school had braces, and the rubber band kept slipping off them, and for some reason I got stuck fixing them. Gross.
* Dave has taken numerous floor-hockey pucks to the crotch thanks to his "friends" in gym class.
Sam: I took a softball to the crotch once. I died.
splcam: I gouged a piece out of my knee and ripped a massive hole in my tights, after falling over on a flat surface for apparent reason a few months ago..
splcam: apart from the fact i was drunk of course
Mousie: One time I cut my own head off while trying to slice a bagel.
Mia: Wow! It's wonder you're still alive!
Dave: Then there was the time during baseball practice when I chased a short popup but unbeknownst to me the short stop also chased it and WHAMMO his head hit my right under my chin and I went down and was completely out for several seconds at least.
Ellmyruh: When I was in 5th grade I had just gotten off the swings when this 8th grade boy from nowhere kicked a soccer ball directly into my face. My glasses were quite thick, so they actually made cuts into my face. My mom took me to the doctor, all worried about my nose. He was more worried because I had a concussion.
Mousie: Once, I slipped in the bathtub, and I got tuberculosis from it.
Ellmyruh: Oh yeah, I passed out and fell over in the bathtub one time. It was weird because I heard the splash and the THUD, but it sounded very far away.
Mia: When I hit my head, everything seemed so far away. I remember someone asking me how old I was, and I thought, that is a dumb question to ask. Then they asked me how many fingers they were holding up; I thought: "How stupid are these people!!!
Mousie: Then ther was this ONE TIME!!! I fell off my brother's ten-speed, and I caught on fire.
Mousie: I still have bruises.
Brunnen_G: That's *nothing*. When I was in the US once, as a kid, I was out walking, and all of a sudden this headless human torch girl went by on a bike and fell on me
Brunnen_G: HEY!!!! Wait a minute!!!
Mousie: Unless she was coughing up spew, she wasn't me.
Mia: lol
Ellmyruh: LOL!!
Brunnen_G: Then this boy across the street ducked and the ball that was going to hit him in the face hit me instead.
Brunnen_G: And broke my glasses, and then my braces went right through my lips and the broken glass from my glasses caught in them
Mia: OUCH!
* Brunnen_G had neither glasses nor braces as a child and is being silly
Mousie: One time, my brother and I were fighting in the morning before school and we weren't supposed to wake my mom up because she also worked nights in a bar and we got loud and she yelled at us and then we quieted down but then my brother pushed me and I fell against the TV and I busted my head open but we were both so afraid of getting yelled at again by my mom that I got on the bus and went to school with blood pouring out of the back of my head. THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
Ellmyruh: Did your mom find out?
Mousie: Yep. She had to come get me from school and take me to the hospital for stitches.
Mousie: Then another time, my brother and I were fighting, and my mom yelled at us and so we quieted down.
Brunnen_G: Mousie: Ooh! Really!? That happened to me once, too!
Mousie: And then another time, we had macaroni and cheese for dinner. And then we were done eating.
Brunnen_G: Oh my gosh! Mousie, we have lived parallel lives!
Mousie: And once, we had to get up for school. So we did.
Brunnen_G: Just once? You were lucky. I had to do that almost every day. For YEARS.
Mousie: Yeah. I know.
Mousie: I did it some other times, too, but those weren't half as interesting.
* Mia giggles.
Sam: I got a drunken sorority girl story.
* Brunnen_G will be back later
Brunnen_G: Oh darn, no, I'll have to wait and hear Sam's story now
Mousie: Aw, B_G, stay for one more story.
Mousie: Yay!
* Mia cheers.
* Brunnen_G meant "Yay, I can wait and hear Sam's story now!" ;-)
Mousie: False alarm, all you goodbye sayers.
Mia: Mousie: :-P
* Mousie , flaming, runs over Mia's tongue on her brother's ten-speed.
Sam: I lived in this apartment above a hair salon in downtown Durham, the town where UNH is. The hair salon was sort of on Main St., set back a bit from the road behind a pizza place and a coffee shop -- you got to it by going down this short alley between the two buildings.
Sam: And so, on dark non-school night nights, drunk people used to hang out there. My window overlooked it, so I had a good view.
Ellmyruh: Heh...Sounds like you lived in the ghetto, Sam :)
Sam: Well, not really, just a dark area near frat row of a small college town.
Brunnen_G: I never understood that whole fraternity/sorority thing in the US
Ellmyruh: You haven't missed anything, I assure you.
Sam: Yeah, really. Don't feel bad for missing out. It's just organized drunkenness.
Brunnen_G: That's what I figured, from all I've heard
* Brunnen_G notes that NZ universities just have plain old unorganised drunkenness. You don't have to join any groups
Sam: Anyway, one evening -- well, night, really -- it was 11 or 12 -- sounds of shouting drunken people caught my attention. Normally, this would not, because drunk people screamed outside of my window all the time. But these voices weren't going away.
Sam: And so I moved to my window, which was positioned on the wall that my bed was positioned against, made myself comfortable, and enjoyed what turned out to be a two act play, put on just for me.
Mia: Ooooo! Really? just for you? Neat-o!
Sam: The cast of characters included one billed in the credits as "Drunk Girl" and another credited as "Drunk Guy." It was a drama.
Sam: Or comedy, depending on your point of view.
Mousie: ACT I
Mousie: :-(
Mousie: :-)
Sam: Thank you Mousie. ACT I.
Sam: (LOL)
Sam: Drunk Girl enters, stage right.
Sam: She is obviously confused.
Mousie: Duh?
Sam: She is mumbling incoherently.
Mousie: grmble grlmdmfov ajofe. Duh?
Sam: She laughs and mumbles some more. "I've lost my way home." She giggles.
Mousie: hee hee hee hee hee
Sam: Drunk guy enters. Drunk guy was not a very good actor, because very few of his lines could be heard. He spoke in hushed murmurs and babble, but, as you shall soon notice, he spoke volumes with body language.
Mousie: whisperwhisperwhisperwhisper
Sam: He kind of maneuvered toward the drunk girl, not approaching her directly, but sort of sauntering diagonally toward her one way, then the other way, closing in on her, and cocking his head, extending his arms plaintively, and murmuring at her. He was clearly trying to urge her to do something.
Sam: "No!" Drunk Girl shouts.
Mousie: No!
Sam: "You ruined my life!" she shouts, and starts heading in an arbitrary direction that he is not.
Sam: "You've RUINED my LIFE!" she repeats.
Sam: Shouting.
Sam: Loudly.
Mousie: Grrrrrrr!
Sam: But not so convincingly. She had this drunken look of exasperation and spoke every word with sort of blend of giggling, astonishment, and disbelief.
Sam: He closes in on her again.
Sam: "I can't find my KEYS."
Sam: She starts pacing back and forth, with her hands at her head.
Sam: "I LOST my way HOME! What am I going to do? I can't believe you!"
Sam: More mumbling and aimless pacing.
Sam: "You RUINED my LIFE, and I LOST my way HOME."
Sam: "C'mon," the guy says. "C'mon mumble mumble mumble."
Sam: "No!!!! You RUINED my LIFE!"
Sam: "You RUINED my LIFE, and I LOST my way HOME!"
* Thanatos munches popcorn. This is where it gets good.
* Thanatos takes out those spiffy opera glasses.
Sam: She cackles to herself, looks around, wondering if any passersby from the street could possibly believe her plight and sympathize with one of those head shakes that say, "Geez, some people!"
Sam: "You RUINED my LIFE!!!!! And I LOST my way HOME!!!!!"
Sam: I'm not exaggerating how many time she repeated these two lines at the top of her lungs at random intervals. She just sort of wandered back and forth, without the faintest CLUE what to do about it. So then...
Mousie: ACT II
Sam: (Not quite, Mousie. :-) )
Sam: ...while Drunk Guy is still trying to appease her by calming her down, getting her somewhere else, or whatever:
Sam: Enter Innocent Female Passerby
Mousie: Suspenseful music here.
Sam: Innocent Female Passerby starts heading down the alley to get to the street on the other side of my building. She was clearly not drunk, because she was walking in a straight line and seemed to have confidence about where she was headed.
Mousie: Click click click click (heels hitting)
* Mousie is a Foley artist in real life.
Sam: Drunk Girl is still moaning about her keys and her ruined life and her lost way home. Drunk Guy was doing that zigzag approach thing on her, but suddenly he catches sight of the other woman. And he starts doing that to HER.
Mousie: UH oh!
splcam: hee
Brunnen_G: LOL
Sam: He was mumbling something. I don't know what, but he was clearly trying to pick her up. She didn't acknowledge his presence but just kept walking all the more pointedly, but he zigzagged too close and cut her off. She was walking along the wall of one of the buildings, and he walked in front of her and put a hand on the wall and leaned up against it.
Mousie: GASP!!!
Sam: He was doing this sort of "stud" pose, like, "Hey! Check me out!" and utterly some form of pick-up line that included uses of "c'mon."
Sam: Without so much as slowing down, she ducked under his arm and kept walking.
Mousie: Yay!
Sam: He watched her leaving with sort of this dumbfounded blank look on his face, and then...
Mousie: ACT II!
Sam: (Not yet, Mousie. :-) )
Sam: (Actually ACT II is very short.)
Sam: ...without a word, turned back to Drunk Girl and started his zigzagging pick up approach on her again.
splcam: of course
Sam: "You RUINED my LIFE. And I LOST my way HOME."
Sam: So finally Drunk Guy becomes audible:
Sam: "C'mon, wait right here, ok?"
Sam: "No!!! I won't wait for you! You RUINED my LIFE!"
Sam: "Just wait right here. Wait here."
Sam: "I'm not waiting for you."
Sam: "Just wait. I'll be right back. I just have to go pee."
Brunnen_G: LOL
splcam: how dashing. who could resist?
Sam: "Ah, like! AH! If you leave me, I will be gone, because you ruined my life."
Sam: "C'mon, just wait here, I have to PEE. Just wait here."
Sam: "YOU ruined my life. I'm never speaking to you again."
Sam: "I GOTTA PEE. C'mon, just wait right here. I'll be right back." (He's squirming around by this point.)
Sam: "I'm not waiting."
Sam: "I'll be right back!"
Sam: By this time, he's doing his zigzag thing in reverse -- moving away from her and over toward the more remote part of the alley way area.
Sam: She, in turn, is moving more toward the street, away from my window, where it was still somewhat well traveled by drunken folks. She's SCREAMING out into the street about how he ruined her life and she lost her way home, and, geez, like, she can't even BELIEVE this is happening to her.
Sam: She exits stage left, and Drunk Guy exits stage front.
Sam: To pee.
Sam: Mousie?
Mousie: ACT II!!!!!!
Sam: Right. So ACT II starts about ten seconds after ACT I -- short plays have short intermissions, I guess. Drunk Girl enters stage left again and continues to recite her mantras.
Mousie: You RUINED my LIFE! I've LOST my way HOME!
Sam: Drunk Guy enters stage front, zipping up his pants. She waited for him.
Mousie: Of course she did.
Sam: He does the zigzag approach pick up thing, this time in a slightly more directed fashion, and she, still screaming, leaves with him.
Sam: Mousie?
Mousie: EXEUNT.
Sam: Yes. FIN.
Sam: And that's my story.
* Thanatos applauds.
* Ellmyruh applauds
* Brunnen_G applauds
* Fobulis laughs, applauds...
* Thanatos looks around for his coat.
* Ellmyruh watches as the curtain swooshes down at break-neck speed.
* Brunnen_G notes that the curtain hit Dave in the face
Ellmyruh: I've got drunk stories. My roommates drink.
Ellmyruh: Let's just put it this way: I knew I was in for trouble when, the day I moved into my new apartment, there was a shopping basket IN our upstairs apartment and nobody quite knew how it got there.
Ellmyruh: Worse yet, it was a shopping basket from the grocery store where I worked, about half a mile away. Let me tell you, you do NOT want to see a shopping basket from your place of work in your new home! Especially if you've walked miles and miles to bring back enough carts to fill a small state.
Sam: The most alcohol I've ever had was in church once. The churches I tend to go to use grape juice for communion instead of wine, but one church did both, and I grabbed a wine cup by mistake instead of a grape juice cup. I was sort of surprised when I chugged it.
Ellmyruh: LOL Sam!
Suomi: you RULE Sam!
Dave: Then there was the time when my friends and I were beating each other up in the school locker room (which we did with alarming frequency) and me and another guy picked up this big wooden bench and were charging towards one of our 'friends' with it like a battering ram when the teacher walked in and my friend dropped his end of the bench and ducked behind the lockers and left me standing there with this big bench in my hands to get chewed out by the teacher.
Ellmyruh: LOL Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: LOL! Guerrilla storytelling.
* Sam tries out storytelling Dave style.
* Ellmyruh waits for Sam to explode into the chatroom with a story about being beaten up or maimed.
Sam: Then there was the time in 10th grade when we were playing flag football in gym, and the dorkiest, ugliest guy in the class tripped just as the cutest girl in class was trying to rip his flag off, and he tripped and fell, and his head smacked right into her, uh, frontal area, and she recoiled and crossed her arms tightly and got all red, and he was just kind of lying on the ground.
Sam: I can't *remember* any stories of ME getting beaten up or maimed. That didn't seem to happen to me as much as it happened to Dave. I just *almost* got beaten up and maimed, like in the rock throwing wars we had that I already told about here.
Sam: Then there was the time when I was in 7th grade or so, and we were living in Germany, and there was this short but steep hill that the local kids my age used to ride up and down on their bikes, but it was really steep, so I didn't know if I could make it, and so I rode my bike toward it, but I was going too slow because I was scared, and I didn't make it all the way up, and my bike just kind of stopped on this steep slope right in the middle, and I had to drag my feet and balance all precariously or else I was going to fall off and hurt myself, so I kind of rolled back and didn't quite die, but I think I hurt myself.
* Fobulis used to do some crazy stuff - jumping off balconies, for one - but never got hurt...
* Thanatos once ran over his own foot with a three wheeler.
* Thanatos once stepped (barefoot) in molten plastic.
* Thanatos once stepped on a red hot, rusty nail.
Thanatos: This was all the same foot.
Dave: Then there was the time when I was riding my bike and there was this big tree root that I was going to jump over and I thought I was goin to hit it and go sailing through the air all cool like--well, I hit it and went sailing but not the way I planned my front tire stopped immediately when I hit the root and I went sailing over the handlebars and ripped all kinds of skin off my hands and knees when I landed.
Washu: Owie.
Fobulis: Ouch.
Thanatos: Dave, you need a Purple Heart!
Washu: My brother stepped on a nail. He has all the cool injuries.
Fobulis: Once when a friend of mine moved into a new house, we went to play barefoot in the yard. All of a sudden I hear her scream... she'd stepped on a nail. But I didn't know that...
Fobulis: So I ran over to see what was wrong. And stepped on the same nail. :-P
Sam: Then there was the time I was riding my bike, and I was going to ride up a curb by running into it, and it was a short curb, so I knew I could do it, because I had done it many times before, but this time I approached the curb at an angle, more parallel to it than perpendicular, so it didn't work, because the tire rubbed against the side of the curb, and I fell over on the bike.
Sam: Oh! I have a good one, actually.
Sam: Also in Germany, a friend of mine and I used to live on our bikes. We rode all over that little German town. Well, on the outskirts of it, on the other side from where we lived, we discovered this HUGE sewer tunnel.
Sam: We could almost stand up in it. It was maybe five feet tall or something, maybe a little more. So we walked in to see what was in there. About a hundred feet down, it opened up into this room-like area, maybe ten feet tall, and fifteen long and wide.
Sam: It was oddly shaped, but I don't remember exactly how. But one of the walls was open at the top, toward the ceiling, and it was too dark to see where it went.
Sam: We had no idea what was back there, and while we were speculating, suddenly, this WHOOSHING sound started, faintly at first but growing in volume.
Sam: And we were thinking, GEEZ, there is a TORRENT of water coming down from there at us, and we're going to be washed away and die. So we BOOKED it back for the opening.
Nyperold: LOL!!!
Sam: We ran for our LIVES, I'm telling you, and the WHOOSHing sounds were getting LOUDER.
Sam: So, just when we thought we were going to get washed away from behind, we broke out into the sunlight, and...
Sam: ...just on the other side of the road, a train was going by.
Ellmyruh: LOL!!!!!
Nyperold: LOLOLOL!!!!!
Fobulis: Ha!!
Sam: I swear, it sounded EXACTLY like a mad flood of raging waters.
Thanatos: Yeah, and then there was this time that my friend and I were out in the woods, and he points at a plant. "Watch out," he says, "that's poison ivy." I'm very allergic, and had come to know many varieties of the plant, I felt I was an expert. "No it isn't." We argued for quite some time, and to prove I was right, I rubbed the plant all over myself.
Thanatos: That day, I learned a new variety of poison ivy.
Sam: Eek!
* Nyperold once used his teeth to separate a plug from an extension cord. ZAAAPPP!
* Nyperold survived. :)
* Fobulis actually was dropped on her head as a child... Twice.
* Nyperold 's dog was dropped on her head while we were trying to take her picture.
Ellmyruh: One time I was trying to teach my sister to ride a bike. She got going and was doing okay until she started to pick up speed going downhill.
Ellmyruh: She couldn't stop and crashed. I helped her back to the house, and my mom took her to the doctor because it semeed like her ankle was broken (it actually wasn't) and part of her tooth had broken off.
Ellmyruh: I went back to get her bike, and it was starting to get dark out. I lived where there were plenty of bushes and trees and stuff like that.
Ellmyruh: I get to her bike, and there's this skunk with it's tail UP, pointed right at me. I ran as fast and as hard as I could, abandoning my sister's bike :)
Ellmyruh: (And I escaped.)
Dave: Then there was the time I was camping and one of my cousins had a new bike and she was riding it and the handlebars were put on the bike backwards so she couldn't steer well and she came right at me and for some reason couldn't stop and couldn't steer and I thought she was joking but she wasn't and WHAMMO she ran right into me.
famous: LOL!
Dave: Then there was the time me and some friends decided halfway up the lift that we didn't want to ride all the way to the top of the mountain so we agreed to jump off the ski lift my friends jumped first and went down about ten feet but for some reason I missed the low spot and ended up jumping about twenty feet and my knees rammed into my chin and my back twisted up like a pretzel and I had to go to the doctor the next day to get it all straightened out again.
* Dave thinks all these great stories are awesome. He didn't realize how many times he'd done boneheaded things.
Dave: Then there was the time when I was little my mom told me that we had gotten two inches of snow the night before so I got dressed up and ran and *dove* off the front steps because I thought "two inches" was a lot of snow--I learned about how big an inch was that day.
Bo: LOL!
Sam: That story RULES.
Dave: Then there was the time when I was camping and I wasn't wearing my glasses for some reason and I was wearing sandles and I went and picked up my father's axe and then went to put it back into the chopping block so I did about a one-quarter force swing (thankfully!) and totally missed the block and chopped my big toe instead--I split my toenail in two and nearly required stiches on that one.
Dave: Then there was the time I was in my parents camper trailer and I went to dive on the big bet so I got a running start and took to the air and WHAMMO I whaled my head on the side of the upper bunk and saw stars.
Sam: LOL, Dave. You beat yourself up a lot.
famous: Ok, so this one time, I was at a restaraunt in France, and being the clutz that I am, I dropped (ok, accidentaly threw) a piece of pizza on the floor, and the waiter came by and said some mean thing in french, and all i said, was "How do you say, OOPS in French?"
Sam: I got a good embarrassing story.
Grishny: Oooh! A good embarassing story!
famous: Tell!
Sam: Once, when I was working in the local grocery store as a bagger, this woman wanted to buy a bag of dog food. The dog food bags -- you know, the really big ones -- were stored on shelves on the other side of the checkout lanes.
famous: Uh huh...
Sam: So I went and grabbed a bag of the requested brand of dog food and brought it over. When I got it to the shopping cart, I must have grabbed it the wrong way, because the next thing I knew, I had pulled on the string that stitches the bag shut, and it tore all the way open and dumped onto the floor. All of it.
famous: LOL SAM!!!!! hehe
Sam: That gritty grain stuff was hard to clean up, and the place stank of dog food grain. Fortunately, there was another one, so I wasn't stuck for giving the woman another bag of the stuff.
* Grishny has stories that are too embarrassing to tell.
Sam: Cool! Tell them!
Grishny: Okay.
Grishny: When I was in college, I lived in a small room, with at least two other roommates, all four years. My senior year, there were four in my room...
Grishny: Anyway...we lived in all-guy dorms (none of that co-ed stuff going on, this was a Christian college, see?) and so we didn't worry too much about modesty...
famous: Oh no... I'm scared of where this is heading.
Grishny: I mean, we never worried about changing clothes in the room, etc. The only people who would see you would be other guys.
famous: Should I be covering my eyes?
Grishny: Well, when I graduated, after all was said and done and I checked out for the last time (woo-hoo!), I left with my family. We were staying at a hotel in town that night and then heading back home the next day.
* eric is a bit frightened to hear the rest of this story...
Grishny: Anyway, I had gotten so used to just changing my clothes in front of people, that I started to do it in our hotel front of my mom and two sisters! Fortunately, they stopped me before I got too far. That was quite embarrassing.
Dave: LOL
famous: LOL! I would've died!
* Dave suddenly realizes there's something worse than chopping your toe in half with an axe: Burnt popcorn. :-(
* Dave suddenly realizes there's something worse than even burnt popcorn: Missing a call from a recruiter because you're STILL AT WORK
[Dave->Sam] I amazed myself today on how many *more* personal injury stories I dredged up. Those gym class ones were the best.
[Sam->Dave] Yeah, you had a lot.
[Dave->Sam] We were so insane in gym class. We used to have what the teacher called "gladiator matches" in the locker room after class, which was basically us beating each other up in various ways.
[Dave->Sam] The teacher yelled at us on a daily basis, too. Man, we were bad.
[Dave->Sam] There was this one kid especially that we used to whale the living daylights out of.
[Dave->Sam] I remember beating him over the head with the flat part of a plastic stool. Don't ask me why.
[Sam->Dave] LOL
[Dave->Sam] The really *weird* part is, we were all *friends*, and we never really hurt each other. Too badly.
[Dave->Sam] There was this one guy who was a senior when we were juniors--he was built like a tank. He used to work out all the time and could bench over 300 pounds, and he was only 5'4" or so.
[Dave->Sam] We all used to gang up on him, and he used to just beat the living tar out of us. We *never* got the best of him.
[Dave->Sam] I even brought in one of my father's wrist braces, with the metal piece that holds the wrist in place and goes down the forearm for support
[Dave->Sam] We beat him about the head and neck with those things, and he *still* kicked our butts.
[Sam->Dave] I should be including this stuff in the archive. Can I?
[Dave->Sam] Yeah, sure.
[Dave->Sam] About the only time we ever even stunned him was when Ady took the metal piece out of his wrist brace and jammed it into his throat. That sort of stopped him for a few seconds, but then he just came back harder. We paid for that one. :-)
[Sam->Dave] LOL. That rules.
[Dave->Sam] Then there was the time he chased us with his soccer cleats. Ady, Gerry, and I RAN out of the locker room with him in hot pursuit. Ady and Gerry kept running, but I tried to duck to the side by jumping up on this table that was around the corner.
[Dave->Sam] He wasn't fooled for an instant, of course, considering he was *right* *behind* me. He just stopped and gave me about four full-force shots to the shoulder with his cleat.
[Dave->Sam] I had a bunch of cleat-shaped bruises on my shoulder for about a week after that. :-)
[Sam->Dave] LOL LOL LOL
[Dave->Sam] Actually, it was this same guy who was the intended target of the bench battering-ram incident. I really thought we had him that time until the teacher walked in and Ady abandoned me.
[Dave->Sam] Looking back on it, I'm amazed we didn't get injured more than we did. All we ever got was a few bruises and some splinters and stuff. Wow.
[Dave->Sam] Then there was the time Ady ran me backwards into the bleachers. I forget what game we were playing, but it involved running down the length of the gym.
[Dave->Sam] Ady was right behind me, and when we got near the bleachers, instead of continuing to play whatever game we were playing, he grabbed me and kept running with me right towards the bleachers.
[Dave->Sam] He let me go about five feet before the bleachers, and all I had the prsence of mind to do was turn around and and fly into the bleachers in a sitting position. I whacked my back on the bleachers and bent it like a pretzel. I think I had to go to the doctor to get my back realigned after that one, too.
[Dave->Sam] Man, we were insane.
[Dave->Sam] Ady especially.
[Dave->Sam] I wonder if I'm the only one who had these incredibly violent, yet strangely friendly, school experiences.
[Dave->Sam] Are you copying all this stuff down?
[Sam->Dave] Yeah, I turned on logging of my PM's, so it'll be easy to put this stuff in archive format.
[Dave->Sam] I really think we all would have made great Professional Wrestlers. We pretty much hit each other as hard as we could without doing permanent damage.
[Dave->Sam] We always threw forearms instead of punches. That was about the only concession to safety we made. :-)
[Dave->Sam] Although Ady and I did break a typewriter once.
[Sam->Dave] LOL LOL LOL
[Dave->Sam] We were inexplicably wrestling in the typing room before the teacher showed up, and I had Ady in a front facelock. But he basically just drove forward into me, and pushed me straight back.
[Dave->Sam] He rammed me into the desk behind me, and I ended up crashing down with my butt on one of the old electric typewriters. It never worked after that. We never fessed up to breaking it, either. We just played dumb.
[Dave->Sam] When they moved the coke machine out into the big hallway in front of the wood shop, where there was enough headroom to stand on top of the thing, we used to climb on top of that and jump off of it onto each other.
Washu: Hmmm... that's an interesting idea. Kinda reminds me of the time I practically threw a fit because my parents wouldn't let me go to school wearing a shirt as pants...

Back to the RinkChat Archives.