This is one of the craziest chat sessions ever. The seeds of it date back a ways: whenever Dave brings his Darius Longshore character, from his novel and The Duel of the Ages parody, into the chat room, rather than making him the world's greatest warrior, he makes him a morose wimpy character: because Dave can no longer relate to Darius as a character and therefore can't rewrite his story.

I still have a handle on my Blood Drops character, but I thought it would be amusing to do the same with him -- purely temporarily, of course -- in a joint chat session with Darius Longshore. Thus, the greatest battle the world has ever seen is reduced to something significantly less dramatic and legendary.

The funny thing is I really didn't intend for all that to happen just then. I was really just tinkering with the chat script and had him enter so I could test some changes. But the moment seemed right, and what followed was one of the longest and looniest chat sessions ever: and with upwards of 14 or so active participants.

At this point, I hacked the chat script to put "[standing]" next to every name.

Marvin: I am me, and I'm proud of me, and if I put my mind to it, I can do anything.
Blood_Drops: Very good, Marvin! But let's all sing together, shall we?
Blood_Drops: Now everyone, please repeat after me, in your cheeriest voice!
Blood_Drops: "I am me."
Blood_Drops: Speak up, speak up.
Marvin: I am me
Wolf: I am you.
Ref: I am you
Issachar: Me am me.
Darien: I am, I cried...
* Job sings cheerily along with Blood_Drops.
* Morris sings: i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
Issachar: I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam.....
Blood_Drops: "And I'm proud of me."
Marvin: and I'm proud of me.
Ref: and I'm proud of you.
Job: My brother is standing and singing along and he's not even in the chat room
Blood_Drops: "And if I put my mind to it, I can do anything."
Marvin: and if I put my mind to it, I can do anything.
Issachar: And if I put my mind to it, I can do anything*
Issachar: *within reason
Ref: and if I put your mind to it, I can do anything.
Darien: And if I put my mind to it, I can mind anything.
DariusLongshore: But that's just not true. I can't do *anything* without Dave. That *sucks*!
Dave: That's right, loser, and that's why you aren't doing anything anymore. Because I don't want you to.
Blood_Drops: Now, Darius, that's just not true. Allow me to demonstrate. Sam?
RinkChat: User Dave has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
Dave has left.
Blood_Drops: See? Dave is gone. But you're still here! You can do it!
Blood_Drops: Go on, say something!
DariusLongshore: *mmph*
Blood_Drops: Everyone, let's reach out and support DariusLongshore!
DariusLongshore: *gurgle*
* gremlinn007 shouts "YAY Darius"
Job: I like and respect you, Darius. You can be anybody you want to be.
Blood_Drops: Very GOOD, Job!
gremlinn007: Job, well done.
* Job glows with the compliments and is self-affirmed.
Blood_Drops: Everyone, say, "Darius, I believe you can do it!"
Marvin: Daruis, I believe you can do it.
Nyperold: Dawius, I bewieve I can do it.
Ref: Darius, other people believe you can do it.
Darien: Darien, I believe you can - no, wait, that's wrong...
Issachar: Darius, you rule. You totally dominated Blood Drops in DotA, even when he cheated by using dream sequences.
DariusLongshore: *mrflngl*
Dave has entered.
DariusLongshore: Ah, that's better! I can talk again!
Dave: Couldn't talk without me, could he? See, told you he was a total retard.
Job: Dave: He could talk. He said "gurgle" and "mrflngl."
Brunnen_G: I believe he has a codependency problem with you, Dave.
Blood_Drops: Dave, if I didn't know better, I'd say we were forgetting our agreement to be supportive and non-confrontational.
Dave: Supportive of who? Darius? HAAHAHAHAHAHA!
DariusLongshore: I was trying to talk, but nothing was coming out! Just weird sounds :-(
Blood_Drops: Darius: Weird sounds are a great start! It takes time and patience, but you are making EXCELLENT progress! And it's all because you are you, and you can do anything you set your mind to. We all love you, Darius Longshore.
Job: We could all tell how hard you were trying to talk, Darius. It's really your effort that counts.
Blood_Drops: Don't we all love Darius Longshore?
Job: I love you, Darius. But only in a platonic and non-emotinally-threatening way.
Darien: Darius, you can do this. You can be your own person. We love you, man!
Marvin: Yes we all do.
Dave: He's not himself! He's ME! He's the me who existed five years ago, who DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE!
DariusLongshore: Stop, Dave, you're hurting me.
Dave: Darius, be quiet you silly git.
Darien: Dave: You seem to be having control issues.
Darien: I think Darius definitely exists... I mean, I can see him, right?
Issachar: I'll take him. I could use another me.
Brunnen_G: Dave, perhaps if you brought in a you who *will exist* five years from now, the two would cancel each other out.
* Morris is tired of standing and would LOVE to sit down...

Whoops. I had forgotten everyone was still standing. I changed it so "[holding hands]" appeared next to everyone's name instead.

* Job squeezes Marvin and Dave's hands.
Issachar: Oh, I wanna hold your ha-a-a-a-a-and......
Morris: eew! ref's hands are sweaty!
Blood_Drops: Dave, I think these feelings are negative energy. Let's all try to be POSITIVE people. "Positive people make happy people" -- isn't that what we always say?
Dave: Ok, Blood Drops, I'll try. Hrm. Ok, I'm *positive* that I don't like Darius. Better?
Blood_Drops: Dave: Well, that was good, but I don't think you quite have the idea....
* Issachar breaks out in song: CAAAN you FEEEEL the LOOOVE tonight..... it is WHERE YOU ARRRRE......"
Wolf: Hey Blood_Drops, mind if I see your certification papers in Rogerian therapeutic techniques?
Blood_Drops: Wolf: Um, uh, yes. They're right here in my...uh...gosh...heh heh...I must have left them in my other pair of pants....
DariusLongshore: I think I should just go. Everyone hates me.
Dave: Not everyone hates you, Darius. Just me. Loser.
Dave: What are you still doing here, Darius? I'm pretty sure I told you to go home.
DariusLongshore: I am at home.
Darien: Dave, stop being so mean to him!
Darien: I mean, Darius has several redeeming qualities. For one, he doesn't yak ginger ale all over himself *nearly* as often as some people I know!
* Brunnen_G wants to swap places so I can hold Darien's and Wolf's hands
* Wolf would be pleased to hold B-G's hold... in a totally gentle nonconfrontational way
Blood_Drops: Brunnen-G: Are you saying you don't want to hold my hand?
Brunnen_G: Yes, and those studded leather gloves are a bit much too, BD
Blood_Drops: B-G: It's the battle-worn callouses, isn't it?
Blood_Drops: I'm sorry. I know they aren't much to hold, but...
* Blood_Drops whimpers.
Blood_Drops: BRUNNEN-G HATES ME!!!!!!!! WWAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Blood_Drops: *sniffle*
Blood_Drops: I wish I could change myself.
* Marvin hugs Blood Drops.
* Brunnen_G doesn't hate Blood Drops! Blood Drops is cool!
* Morris also doesn't hate Blood Drops
Blood_Drops: I've always hated my hands.
Blood_Drops: I wear these studded leather gloves because when I go out in public, I don't want anyone to see.
Blood_Drops: Boo hoo hoo...
* Wolf comforts Blood Drops
Blood_Drops: *sniff*
Blood_Drops: Thanks, Wolf. *cry*
* Brunnen_G apologises for making Blood Drops feel bad about himself
Blood_Drops: You do?
Blood_Drops: *sniff*
* Morris gives Blood Drops a pair of new hands he found on the side of the road...attached to a beggar who protested the hand-removal
DariusLongshore: It's Ok, Blood Drops. I still like you.
Marvin: It's ok. We will get you help.
* Morris gives Blood Drops a duck as a symbol of non-hatred
Blood_Drops: Aw, shucks, guys.
Blood_Drops: You're all really swell.
Blood_Drops: I think I'm better now.
* Wolf takes the duck and makes a lovely duck-filled pillow for Blood Drops to lay his tired head upon
Blood_Drops: Oooo, that's comfy.
Blood_Drops: I think I'll lie down for a minute, if you don't mind.
* Darien thinks this is the most absurdly silly thing in a long, long time.
* Brunnen_G agrees with Darien
Issachar: Well, it's silly, yes. But ABSURDLY silly? Hmm....
* Brunnen_G is finding it hard to type while we're all still holding hands
* Morris isn't holding anyone's hands...he gave them to Blood Drops
Blood_Drops: Ahhh...
* Blood_Drops lies down and lets his head sink into the pillow.
* Job watches as Blood_Drops's pillow starts quacking and flapping about

I removed the "[holding hands]" text next to everybody's name and put "[snoring]" next to Blood Drops'.

Sam: Uh. I guess that would be the end of tonight's self-help session.
Sam: But I think we better all close by turning to the person next to us and paying him or her a compliment.
Brunnen_G: OK, Sam can start
Issachar: B_G, Wolf, y'all are both mucho intelligent and fine folks. I'm glad to be wedged in between you in the Users column.
Issachar: Oops, I went out of turn.
Sam: Next to me is, uh, gremlinn007. Gremlinn007, I would like to say that I've always admired the double letters in your name.
gremlinn007: Why thank you, Sam.
Sam: Your turn to compliment Darien.
gremlinn007: Darien, you are the rulingest op ever.
Darien: Thank you, Grem!
* Morris admires gremlinn's word "rulingest"
Sam: But Morris...you are not adjacent to Gremlinn. That's ok, though. You should be applauded for complimenting above and beyond the call of duty.
* Morris is applauded
Darien: Wolf, I think you have the best looking coat of fur I've ever seen.
* Darien was being perfectly serious.
Wolf: Issachar, you are one amazingly great writer... Darien, you always have exactly the right thing to say to all
Dave: Who is next?
Job: Iss needs to compliment Brunnen_G.
Issachar: Brunnen_G, I'm glad that Brunnens A through F didn't pan out, and we got you instead. And I'm pretty sure that your gender is the superior one. Whichever one that is. :-)
Brunnen_G: Hehe, thank you Iss
* gremlinn007 thinks someone had better wake Blood Drops now.
* Sam pokes Blood_Drops.
* DariusLongshore sticks Blood Drops with his sword
Blood_Drops: Mrphm? Wha? Wha? I'm awake, Mom.

I changed the note by Blood Drops' name from "[snoring]" to "[groggy]". While I was at it, I started adding similar notes to people's names reflecting the compliment received. Next to gremlinn007, I put "[awesomely double lettered]". Next to Darien, I put "[rulingest]". Next to Wolf, "[cool coated]". Next to Issachar, "[eloquent]". Next to Brunnen_G, "[alphabet prevailer]".

Brunnen_G: Blood Drops, you're not only one of the coolest warriors around, but you have a great pair of hands. In fact, you're so cool I'm going to tell you my real name. *whispers* There. Don't tell, OK?
Blood_Drops: Aw, thank you!
Blood_Drops: Um, my turn.
Blood_Drops: Darius, you're the best arch-nemesis a guy could ever have.
DariusLongshore: Aww, gee thanks, BD!
Blood_Drops: And I really admire the way you survive passing through a black hole.

Next to DariusLongshore, I put "[best arch-nemesis]".

DariusLongshore: Is it my turn now?
Sam: It's your turn, Darius.
Marvin: Bring it on, little man.
Issachar: hehe
DariusLongshore: Ok. Um, Marvin... Dave told me you once let a kid jump off a roof onto your head. That RULES! You're pretty cool that way. I wish somebody would jump off a roof onto *my* head.

Next to Marvin, I put "[bonked on head]". Here, by the way, is a picture of the event.

Marvin: Ummm, I don't know...
* Marvin climbs to the roof...
Issachar: DON'T DO IT!!! DON'T JUMP!!!
Marvin: Ok.
* Marvin climbs down from the roof.
* Morris jumps off a roof onto Darius' head
* DariusLongshore is knocked out cold, but loves it anyway
Brunnen_G: Marvin, it's your turn to compliment Job.
Marvin: Well, Job, is, umm, well, Job is the, er, umm. Yeah. That's right.
* Job is proud to be the er-umm.
Brunnen_G: No, no! You can do better than that.
Issachar: Psst! Marvin? Job is "dope"! Go ahead, try it!
Marvin: You have a very pretty name...
Marvin: you have a nice neck...
Job: Thank you very much, Marvin. I've always been proud of my neck.

Next to Job, "[prettily named]".

Job: Ok, my turn now?
Dave: Yeah, Job, where's my compliment, huh?
Silvercup has entered.
Silvercup: hello everyone
Issachar: Hi Silvercup. We're taking turns complimenting each other.
Dave: Hey, Silvercup, we're having a group healing session!
Brunnen_G: Good, another person to compliment. Wait a while, Silver, we're complimenting each other down the user list.
Job: Well, Dave, you're the most underhanded abuser-of-admin-power-in-order-to-receive-compliments I know.
Dave: Aww, thanks Job!
Job: You're also not nearly as mean to Darius as you could be.

Next to Dave, "[underhanded]".

Dave: Ok, is it my turn now??
Morris: yes
Dave: Ok, Morris. Let's see, what to say about Morris
Dave: Hrm...
Dave: Morris, you're Morris. Not someone else, for example, Liface.

Next to Morris, "[not Liface]".

RinkChat: User Dave has been kicked from the chat room by Dave.
Dave has left.
Dave has entered.
RinkChat: User Ref has been kicked from the chat room by Dave.
Ref has left.
Ref has entered.
Dave: hehehe. Now I get two compliments, and Silvercup has to compliment me ;-)
Silvercup: what?!?!
Sam: Hey, you can't get back in line for another compliment!
gremlinn007: But getting back in line is what underhanded people do!
Job: See, I was right about him. You all should have listened when you had the chance.
Brunnen_G: Morris, get on with it and compliment Silvercup!
* Sam is suspecting the original purpose of this compliment session is being skewed more and more as we progress.
Morris: silver, i admire the fact that you live in my favorite american state
Silvercup: Morris: Uh...

Next to Silvercup, "[lives in a state]".

Issachar: Whoever gets to compliment Sam at the end of all this, there's only one thing, really, to say: he doesn't StinkWorks.
Sam: Silvercup: It's you're turn...you have to compliment Dave. Or Ref, if you prefer, since Dave was already complimented.
* Dave drums his fingers, waiting...
* Dave waits unpatiently
Silvercup: Dave: You are the best cook I know.
Dave: Yay!

I changed the note by Dave's name from "[underhanded]" to "[underhanded cook]".

Dave: Oh wait, that means *I* have to compliment Ref, now, Huh?
Ref: Bring it on.
Dave: Hrm...
Dave: Ok Ref... You're really Marvin, who let a kid jump off a roof onto his head, which RULES. So that's pretty cool.

Next to Ref, "[Marvin]".

Dave: Your turn, Ref.
Ref: Sam is the greatest team player I know.
Wolf: Of course!
* Brunnen_G compliments out of turn...
Brunnen_G: Sam is Sam, and there's no greater compliment than that.
* Sam gets warm fuzzies. *...*
* Sam wipes the tears of happiness from his eyes.
Sam: You're all a great bunch of people.

Next to Sam, "[Sam]".

* Darien compliments out of turn...
Darien: Issachar is downright Issachariffic.
Issachar: Darien: --groan--
Darien: Iss: What? You didn't like my compliment? :-{
Issachar: Darien: actually, I loved it, but federal law requires that people groan whenever a pun is made.
Princessa has entered.
Princessa: What have I missed?