Archives: Stoic Death Plotting
This one defies description.
Sam: Quick! Hurry up and have fun, before it's too late!!!!
* Issachar goes to get another Coke. Having a soda dispenser in one's office RULES.
Issachar: Not to mention the big jar of Peanut M&M's.
Sam: NO ISSACHAR DON'T GO
* Issachar waits
Sam: HE'S HIDING IN THE VENDING MACHINE!
Issachar: Eh? Who's hiding?
Sam: I don't know. Do you know anyone who would have any reason to want to hurt you?
Issachar: Well, yeah, but....
famous: I want some M&M's!
Issachar: I'll fax you some! What's your fax number?
Sam: But? But what? Are you holding out on me?
* Issachar shifts uncomfortably
Issachar: Um, can't we talk about this somewhere else?
Stephen: WE are asking the questions, not you!
* Sam shines a big bright light in Issachar's face.
Sakura: Ooh, red...
Sam: ANSWER ME!
* Issachar sneezes violently several times.
Issachar: AA-CHOO!!! AA-CHOO!!!
* Issachar gropes around for a Kleenex.
Issachar: Bright lights make me sneeze.
* Sakura hands Iss a handkerchief.
* Issachar wipes his face with the handkerchief, making sure to stuff it well up his nostril a few times, and hands it back to Sakura.
Sakura: Um, you can keep it, Iss...
* Sam seats everyone down in the drawing room.
* Sakura seats down.
* Stephen DIDN'T DO IT!
Sam: Now, it seems to me, that this case is clear. The person hiding in the vending machine is among us! Someone in this very room!
Sam: But who!?
* Nobody tries to sneak away
Stephen: Uhm, Sam, I'll be right back. I have to use the bathroom. BADLY
Sam: HE'S GETTING AWAY!
Sam: GET HIM!
Stephen: GET WHO!?
* Sam topples the vending machine, containing Stephen, over on top of Stephen.
Stephen: Ow.... Okay, okay
Stephen: I admit, it was me hiding behind the vending machine
Sam: You were BEHIND it TOO??
Sam: This web of deception is more deeply rooted than I first imagined!
Stephen: But really, I was just trying to kill Iss. No harm intended
Issachar: Yeah, Stephen's completely above suspicion.
* Issachar lets go of the dog.
Sam: All right. Who let the dog go?
Sam: Who? Who? WHO?
Sakura: AIEEE! Don't remind me of that song!
Stephen: I think it might have been Iss. Wasn't me, that's for sure
Stephen: I was over here, hiding behind the vending machine, waiting to kill him.
Sam: That would be consistent with the facts and his confession. Which is why I'm suspicious.
Stephen: I think you're right. Stephen let the dog go.
Sam: Ah HA!
* Issachar puts an arm around Stephen's shoulders. The arm, that is, that's holding the LIVE SCORPION.
Stephen: Pah. He'll only bite for a few hours. Scorpions... nature's quitters.
Amy has entered.
Leen: Amy: welcome to Rinkchat.
Sam: Amy: So is this your first visit to RinkWorks?
Stephen: Amy: You don't want Issachar dead, do you?
Stephen: Because I'm more than willing to take the job.
Amy: no, do you?
* Issachar breaks down in sobs and confesses brokenly.
Issachar: Alright! Alright! It was ME!
Stephen: NO IT WAS ME!!!!
Issachar: I was the one hiding inside the vending machine to jump out and kill me!
Stephen: Oh, well, yeah. That's true
Leen: (oh, and don't let Stephen/Iss/Sam scare you away ;-)
Amy: oh no. my friends are much stranger.
Sam: Amy: LOL LOL LOL. You almost made me spray orange pineapple juice all over my keyboard.
* famous turns off the bright light!
famous: Run ISS, Run!
Issachar: Whew, thanks, famous!
* Issachar runs.
Issachar: Where am I running?
* Sakura tackles Iss.
Sakura: Ha! Got him!
* Issachar hits the floor under Sakura. His collection of scorpions scurries out from his coat.
* Sakura is stung repeatedly.
* Sakura dies.
Stephen: FAMOUS IS HELPING THE PRISONER ESCAPE!! HIDE BEHIND A VENDING MACHINE AND KILL HER!!!!!
Sam: Stephen: It'll be quicker if we work as a team! I'll hide behind the vending machine, while YOU kill her!
Stephen: RIGHT! Just make sure not to hack up orange pinapple juice on her
* famous dives in the M&Ms
* Stephen attempts to kill famous using orange pinapple scorpions
Issachar: So. Can I go get my soda now, or what?
Sam: Don't do it YET! Your life depends on it, for reasons that will come to me!
Stephen: If you want me to kill you, sure
* Sam stuffs Sakura's corpse in the vending machine.
* Sakura has been stuffed in the vending machine by Sam.
* Sam hopes no one catches him hiding the stiff.
Amy: what is the average age here?
Issachar: On average, I'm 13 1/2.
Issachar: ....having spent equal time on both sides of that age, anyway.
Leen: I'm 26, Sam's almost 27.
Issachar: Yay, Sam! Hurry up and quit being 26. 26 is a dull, boring age.
famous: And I'm finally 23.
Leen: But the average age on weekdays is 16
Randy: Leen and Sam are married, so they kiss each other and stuff
Issachar: Yeah, they exchange each other's very souls.
Sam: Stop teasing me, or I will LEAVE RINKWORKS FOREVER!
Amy: got to go. essays to write, brothers to torture etc
Issachar: Bye Amy! I'm not usually this weird!
Amy has left.
* Issachar is such a liar.
Stephen: Sam: I know you're really Radebur!
Usually Radebur is Stephen, but this time he really was me. Except
for the italicized lines, where he was Stephen.
Radebur has entered.
Radebur: acutally youre pretty close
Stephen: Rad! Wow, fancy you coming in here just now, when we were talking about you
Radebur: sam's not me. i'm SAM!!!!
Stephen: OH no! You had us all fooled!
Radebur: do i do a good impresonation of those brany types?
Radebur: watch i'll make him scartch his armplits
* Sam scratches his armpits.
Stephen: That is VERY disrespectul Rad
Sam: I think I was possessed.
Stephen: Rad: LOL!! You got him good!!
Stephen: Say Rad, can you make Sam kick somebody?
Radebur: sure i can kcik YOUUUUUUUUUU
Stephen: Go ahead
Radebur: r u sure?? lol
Radebur: yuoll reget it
Stephen: No, it's all good, Rad
Radebur: lololol!!!!!!!! I AM BEEN POSESSED BY STEPHEN
Radebur: OH NO
Radebur: I AM POSSESED
Radebur: Stephen is very very very cool.
Issachar: HAHA SAM I WENT ADN GOT A SODA WHEN U WERNT LOOKNIG SO THAT MENAS U R TEH GUITLY PARTY!!!!!!!1
Radebur: isacar: no u mean I didnt kill u because I AM SAM!!!!!!!!! dadada!!!!!!!!
Sam: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!
* Sam hides behind Radebur.
Radebur: hey wate
Issachar: YEAH WELL I DONT WANT TO CATHC U SAM CAUSE U SMELL BAD HAHAHA!!!!!!!
Radebur: yeh i no pu
* Sam blocks the vending machine. You'll never catch Sakura! Oh no, you will never catch her!
* Randy puts a dollar in the vending machine, out pops Sakura!
Randy: Hey, I wanted a Pepsi One!
Stephen: She's just a poor boy from a poor family... Spare her life from this monstrosity!
Sakura: Poor... boy?
Sam: Ha! Never! For you see...I...AM A POOR MURDERER TERRORIST!
* Sakura kills Sam the MREUDEREEERR TERRRRORSISTIT. Hah! Revenge is sweet...
* Sam dies, is stuffed into the vending machine, is found eight days later when a thirsty college student hit the seldom-used "Sam's Kiwi Soda" button, is taken to the morgue, is given an autopsy, is embalmed, shown in an open-casket funeral, and then cremated.
* Issachar sings
Issachar: "I am just a poor murderer terrorist, tho' my story's seldom told...."
Issachar: "I have squandered my resistance on a web site full of weirdos, such are Rinky-dinks..."
Russell_Crowe has entered.
Russell_Crowe: Did I hear somebody got kidnapped? Much like in my new movie, Proof of Life?
Radebur: wow a reel clebrity!
Russell_Crowe: I'll be stoic for a while. The kidnapper will contact us.
Randy: d00d! you stole America's sweetheart, Meg Ryan!
(The movie Proof of Life had just been released to U.S.
Russell_Crowe: Yes, yes I did. Look at me be unemotional about it.
* Radebur tires 2 get rusal crows autograf................
Russell_Crowe: Radebur: Sorry mate. I'm too busy staring into the distance.
Russell_Crowe: Right. That's enough time being stoic. Time to rescue the hostage.
Radebur: wate can i be the hsotage?????
* Russell_Crowe gets geared up for the rescue, only to realize that the hostage rescued herself while he was standing around being cool.
Radebur: soembody kidnaps me s oi can be recscewed by rusal crow!!!!!!`~``` lolo
Russell_Crowe: Sorry, I'm not gay.
Radebur: rusal corw how did u liek wroking with stephen spelberg in lost world?????????//
Russell_Crowe: I don't think I was in that movie. I could have been though, I really don't remember any of my movies before LA Confidential.
Radebur: wnat some chapain?
Russell_Crowe: Wait a minute, this isn't Letterman at all.
* Russell_Crowe exits unemotionally
Russell_Crowe has left.
Radebur: it is ronkwoks berthday tod-day
Except that it wasn't.
Radebur: sings a sing/me
Radebur: o rinkwords berthday o rinkworks berthday
Radebur: how stupid r u
Radebur: welcome to anothter addition of radeub r monologue
Radebur: are special gest to-day is rusal crow
Radebur: YAY RUSSAL CROW
Stephen: Rad: I think you're a bit late
Radebur: I ALWAYS MISS THE GOOD CELELBIRTIES!
Radebur: are speciial gest is our emergency backup guest stepven supreem dictactor
Radebur: wlcome to the radebur or terry monolog
Stephen: Thanks for having me! It's great to be on!
Radebur: stepheven: stop tlaking this is a monolog show
Stephen: Oh, sorry.
Radebur: as you can see, this is stephen lol lol
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