Archives: Self-Seance II
1/30/00
Once in a while, I'll speak in the chat room as "Ghost of Sam" without
actually entering. Why? Because I'm weird. Well, mostly because sometimes
it's more convenient not to have a browser open on RinkChat and,
instead, participate in the chat room in a simple text window. Webmasters
can do these sorts of things.
Darien has entered.
Darien: :-{
Darien: Nobody's here.
Darien: I wonder if there are any ghosts around...
* Darien lights incense and begins to chant...
Darien: O come, ye ghosts of webmasters...
Darien: O come, ye apparitions of Samitude...
Darien: O come, all ye faithful, joyful and -
Darien: Err...
extirpator has entered.
extirpator: Welcome !
Darien: Well, that kinda worked...
Darien: Extir, I didn't know you were a ghost of Sam.
extirpator: not today.
Darien: Oh, I see. So it was just a *coincidence* that you showed up right when I was summoning spirits.
extirpator: correct
Darien: Oh. Fine then.
Darien: Wanna help me invoke Sam?
extirpator: Sure.
Darien: Okay!
* Darien inducts Extirpator to the Order
* extirpator plays tapes of female WebMaster mating calls, hoping Sam will make an appearance.
Darien: Now then, make sure none of the candles and incense and whatever else I decide to burn goes out...
extirpator: okie.
Darien: Hear me, O spirits!
* Darien burns some candles.
* extirpator touches some candles
Darien: Hear me, O denizens of the other world!
* Darien burns some incense.
Darien: Hear me, O Sams of Stoddard!
* Darien burns some random things.
* extirpator orders an incense burner refill cartridge from E-bay
* extirpator waits by the mailbox.
extirpator is away.
Darien: You know, all this burning stuff is pretty fun. I can see why spirits are attracted to it.
* Darien burns an expired Barnes & Noble coupon.
Darien: Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Darien: If you don't come out soon, you won't get to burn anything! It'll all be gone!
Darien: Olly olly oxen-free!
extirpator is back.
* extirpator found matches in the mailbox !
Darien: Matches? Ooo!
* extirpator is nearly asphyxiated; this room is small.
* extirpator can still type when he's half dead, however.
* extirpator discovers a way to successfully respire carbon monoxide.
* Darien opens a window.
Darien: I bet that'll help the ghosts get in, anyhow. I mean, squeezing through walls or appearing out of nowhere must be a pain.
extirpator: hmmm. I don't like this kind of matches.
extirpator: the kind in little paper packs. I like big boxes o' 'em.
Darien: Yeah, the wooden-shafted kind is much better than the flimsy cardboard ones.
Darien: I bet if we had *wooden* matches, that ghost would be running to get here.
Darien: Let's try a different tack...
Darien: Here, ghosty ghosty ghosty...
* Darien whistles.
Darien: Here, boy! We have a yummy treat for you!
* extirpator claps
Darien: This doesn't seem to be working. What could be wrong?
Darien: Oh - the lights. Of course.
* Darien turns off all the lights and draws the blinds.
RinkChat: User Darien has been labeled 'Medium' by Darien.
RinkChat: User extirpator has been labeled 'Media' by extirpator.
Darien: There. Ghosts only come out when it's dark. I think they burn easily or something.
Darien: We need something to lure them with...
* Darien searches for some ghostnip...
extirpator: spirity, spirity, come out wherever you are!
* Darien carves runes into the wall.
Darien: Come on, boy!
GhostOfLiface has entered.
Darien: Ahh! No! Wrong spirit!
* extirpator extinguishes the fire quickly and turns the lights on
GhostOfLiface: i am GHost of LIFace! I Will ahck!
extirpator: SCRAM !
GhostOfLiface: KIck me! kick me or i will ruin this chaT!!1
RinkChat: User GhostOfLiface has been kicked from the chat room by Darien.
GhostOfLiface has left.
Darien: Phew. That was close. This spirit-summoning stuff can be dangerous.
extirpator: wrong ghost, eh?
Darien: Yeah.
extirpator: ya. we need a more selective spirit-summoning procedure
Darien: Hmm...
* extirpator pours Nitric Acid onto a pile of fingernails, and waits. And waits.
extirpator: ...
* Darien sacrifices a chicken.
Darien: A *rubber* chicken.
Darien: I figure that'll get some sillier kinds of spirits...
extirpator: ya....but you can be sure it's Sam if the name has invalid characters in it.
Darien: You know what we need? Music. And prizes.
* Darien starts singing the theme to "The Price Is Right"
Darien: Ghost Of Sam, come on down! You're the next contestant on "The Ghost Is Right!"
Darien: The lovely Extirpator will show you what you could win!
* extirpator groans at the appearance of himself being dressed as a Price Is Right prize model.
extirpator: Bob, the next bid is on....
extirpator: His and Hers automatic rifles! comes with a year's supply of belt-fed ammo for each. We will also throw in some Dum-Dum (TM) lollipops!
Darien: Well, that's a wonderful prize. Ghost Of Sam, you're our first contestant. What is your bid?
* Darien waits expectantly...
Darien: Hmm. That doesn't seem to have worked. Drat.
* Darien wracks his brain for more ideas...
* Darien is stumped.
extirpator: <yawn>
extirpator: Maybe he wants the big bucks, this price-is-right stuff is small change to him, with all the ad money he's been getting lately. eh?
Darien: Hey, I bet you're right!
* extirpator waits patiently for Darien to formulate an idea with more monetary allure to Sam or his ghost.
Darien: We'll have to play "Who Wants To Be a Jillionaire!"
* extirpator waits no longer
Darien: Okay, Ghost Of Sam. It's time to play "Who Wants To Be a Jillionaire." You know the rules.
RinkChat: User Darien has been labeled 'Darien Philbin' by Darien.
Darien: You have three lifelines.
extirpator: We'll give him four since he's such a great guy.
Darien: Good idea. You get four lifelines.
Darien: First Question: Which of the following starts with "F?" a) Banana b) Aardvark c) Woodchuck d) Filbert
extirpator: hey, let's just use RinkTrivia questions. Then he'll for sure want to come, since he knows all the answers.
Darien: Hmm... that might be a good plan.
Darien: Though a ghost who can't answer *that* question is in pretty sad shape, anyhow. :-P
extirpator: -------- Time for a commercial break--------
* Darien has a RinkWorks question with four answers.
Darien: Okay, Ghost Of Sam. Which of the following did RinkWorks contributor David J. Parker *not* co-author?
Darien: a) Movie-a-Minute b) The Duel of the Ages c) Book-a-Minute d) The Filmmaker's Exam
extirpator: hmmm....
* extirpator thinks the answer is D
Darien: Shh! No hints!
Darien: Not unless he uses a lifeline, anyhow.
* extirpator is Sam. *duh*
RinkChat: User extirpator has been labeled 'Sam' by extirpator.
Darien: Hey - what? But you said you *weren't!*
RinkChat: User extirpator has been labeled 'isn't Sam' by extirpator.
* extirpator was just playing with your mind.
* extirpator is only Sam on Tuesdays.
Darien: Oh. I see.
extirpator: he's not taking the bait.
Darien: I know. Hmm.
extirpator: Gotta go.
Darien: Oh... okay...
extirpator: you can just talk to yourself a while, that will work well.
extirpator: later all.
extirpator has left.
* Darien tries halfheartedly at invoking Ghosts one more time
Darien: Ah well. I guess I just wasn't cut out to be a summoner.
* Darien feels defeated.
Darien has left.
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