Archives: The Red Button
3/30/00
The origin of the universe explained!
Darien is away.
* famous dies of loneliness.
* famous thought at least one of you people (llearch or gremlinn) would come to her rescue. Sheesh.
gremlinn: How do I rescue you when you die all of a sudden?
famous: You bring me back to life.
Darien is back.
famous: Darien will know how.
* Darien brings famous back to life.
famous: There you go. See grem, just like that.
* gremlinn destroys the universe.
gremlinn: Whoops, wrong button.
Darien: You pressed the RED one, didn't you.
Darien: Ooops. I mean, you pressed the RED one.
famous: I thought we told you to read that manual before you go doing that.
gremlinn: No, the black one.
Darien: But I thought the RED one destroyed the universe...are you *sure* it weas the black one?
gremlinn: That's what they want you to think.
Darien: That's what "they" want? I bet "they" have something to do with Stephen. :-P
famous: Well then, what does the RED one do???
* gremlinn presses the red button.
Darien: NO! NOT THE RED BUTTON!
* Darien dives for cover.
* gremlinn destroys the universe again.
gremlinn: Yeah, you were right.
Darien: I TOLD you! Now we're gonna have to find the green button that fixes that. :-P
Darien: Trouble is, I bet it got destroyed with the rest of the universe.
famous: Yeah, and I'm not cleaning this mess up like last time.
Darien: Well then, how do you propose we fix this, Mr. "button, button, who's got the button?"
* Darien is indignant.
gremlinn: Wait for a fluke quantum event which reinstates everything in the exactly correct state.
Darien: Do you have any idea how LONG that could take?
gremlinn: No, I can't even begin to comprehend it.
gremlinn: But I have nothing better to do, let's just wait and see.
Darien: Nuts. So we're stuck here waiting for a quantum anomaly?
famous: I can't wait that long. It's a mess!
Darien: I told him not to press the RED button. :-P
Darien: Hey, now I have a question...
Darien: If you destroyed the universe, did you destroy history with it?
gremlinn: Well, it didn't really get destroyed...I just randomized the universe's energy. Time and history remain intact.
Darien: Okay. I see. So there's kind of a "conservation of history" going on here?
* gremlinn waits for an unimaginably large amount of time...
gremlinn: Ok, good ol' universe is back to normal.
Darien: Really? Cool. Now don't press the RED button any more, okay?
gremlinn: Well, it looks the same. Who can say what the red button does now?
* llearch pushes the black button
Darien: NO! NOT THE BLACK BUTTON!
* Darien sighs.
Darien: Here we go again.
llearch: hi ho. hi ho, here we go again, with a bucket and spade and hand grenade, hi ho, hi ho hi ho hi ho...
* gremlinn pushes the white button.
* famous blows up
Darien: ACK! You blew famous up!
* gremlinn pushes it again.
* Darien blows up.
gremlinn: Hmm...I thought it might reverse the effect.
* llearch pushes the white button
* Darien reconstitutes.
llearch: I wanted to see what would happen....
* gremlinn tries to reconstruct the two, but mixes up the genes and makes Darous and famien.
Darien: Darius, you say?
gremlinn: No, not Darius, but Darous.
Darien: Aww. :-{
* famous rejects her mixed parts and explodes again.
* Darien feels rejected.
* famous unrejects her Darien parts.
* llearch pushes the white button again, to see if he can get gremlinn to blow up
llearch: (could be worth it to get a famolinn)
* gremlinn begins hitting buttons at random.
* Darien hides from the onslaught to be released by gremlinn's mad button pressing...
* Darien presses the grey button.
* gremlinn begins to replicate at an exponential rate.
* gremlinn and his cohorts begin to consume all of the matter in the universe.
Darien: This is looking ugly...
* gremlinn 's duplicates begin to eat each other and conglomerate into a huge gremlinn.
Darien: AAH! ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT RED GREMLINN!!!
* Darien had to get some red text abuse in there somewhere. :-}
* gremlinn begins to implode due to gravitational forces and explodes, reenacting the big bang and restoring the universe to its previous form.
Darien: Ooo. Cool. I always wondered how the universe *really* began. RinkChat is so educational. :-}
llearch: yeah
* llearch wonders if gremlinn has finished imploding yet
gremlinn: Yeah, everything collapsed to a single point and then exploded again.
* Darien finds it odd that the universe is made out of gremlinn.
* llearch builds a sandgremlinn
Darien has left.
Darien has entered.
* Darien performs the interpretive "I hate my ISP" dance.
* gremlinn applauds.
* Darien bows.
* gremlinn hits the red button in celebration.
* llearch hits the grey button in unison
Darien: ARRRGH!
Darien: No! Don't press them TOGETHER!
* Darien is obviously the supporting actor who screams pointless warnings far too late.
* Darien deserves an Academy Award nomination. That would RULE.
* gremlinn nominates Darien.
Darien: YES! WOO HOO!
Darien: Umm... shoot. The Academy Awards just went by. I'll have to wait a WHOLE YEAR! :-P
Darien: I wonder if I could convince Michael Caine to yield his award to me?
gremlinn: Well, you can still be up for a Rinkademy Award.
Darien: Ooo! Really?
Darien: The Sammy awards?
gremlinn: Sam should really do that sometime...
Darien: Yeah he should. That would r0X0r.
Darien: "And the nominees for L33t35t ahXX0r are:"
Darien: Liface, for his role in "Hard Man."
Darien: Samface, for his role in "Dudes to be Feared."
Darien: Steface, for his role in "The Sting."
Darien: Darface, also for his role in "Dudes to be Feared."
* llearch about faces
Darien: Dave, just because he's Dave and yakking ginger ale all over onesself is L33t.
gremlinn: Good idea...archived chats would be the source of all nominations.
gremlinn: By the time Rinkchat's been around for a full year, there should be plenty of good ones archived.
Darien: Yeah. That would r0XX0r. The tricky part would be coming up with awards...
Darien: We'd need to have some that make no sense at all. Like "Best sound."
Darien: "Best art direction"
Darien: "Best Spam joke not stolen from a Monty Python routine"
gremlinn: "Best exit"
gremlinn: "Best pun production"
Darien: "Best improvised song"
Darien: "Best display of extreme Davishness"
Darien: Ooo! I know! "Best Liface impersonation"
gremlinn: heh, all good ideas
Darien: "Best abuse of op powers"
Darien: Ooo! I know! "Best timed kick"
* Darien rankles. "Best timed" is horrible. :-P
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