Archives: More Wedding Ceremonies
12/22/99
I certainly never envisioned RinkChat as a place where marriage
ceremonies would occur as a matter of routine. We're the Las Vegas of
the Internet. For the first of these ceremonies, some of you may notice
I "borrowed" from the great Lucille Ball.
Silvercup: Sam, I wanted to marry Marvin, then become Dave's beta wife.
Sam: All right, all right.
Sam: When?
Silvercup: I don't know. I'm not sure if Marvin really wants to do it.
Marvin: I'm up for it.
Sam: Geez, a bunch of kids in here tonight. I feel like grandpa. ;-)
Marvin: Yeah, so no beer. Maybe a little wine, but no beer.
Silvercup: no alcohol? aww man, I don't wanna get married without some liquor afterwards!
Sam: Hey, this is RinkChat. Drink yourself silly.
Silvercup: woohoo!
Marvin: Fine. We'll have some wine.
* Marvin has a drink
Sam: Wine shmine. As long as it's an ASCII reception, take some champagne.
Pliffilif: it helps if you have some liquor before you get married, too
Sam: So when do you want the ceremony performed? I'm a busy man, you know. You're just lucky I don't have any other weddings to do tonight.
Silvercup: ok, I'm ready
Marvin: So, now we need bridemaids.
Dave: Bridesmaids? Well, Rivikah is here...
Rivikah: what? does this mean I've been drafted?
Dave: Rivikah: Yes. Go stand next to Silvercup. so we can get on with this ;-)
* Rivikah shrugs and does as she's told
Marvin: Moving on...
Sam: Ready yet?
Silvercup: yes
Marvin: Ready.
Sam: Ok.
Sam: Duh-DUN-DUN-DUNNNN.
Sam: We are gathered here today
Sam: To witness
Sam: Marvin
Sam: and Silvercup
Sam: To be joined in the holy institution of marriage.
Sam: (sip)
Sam: The holy institution of marriage is a holy institution
Sam: and should not be mocked.
Sam: It is a sacred thing. (sip) The joining of two people as one.
Sam: Marvin,
Sam: (sip -- this is good champagne)
Sam: Do you take
Sam: this woman
Sam: to be your rinkfully wedded wife,
Sam: To cold--uh, hold and to have,
Sam: in hickness and in sealth,
Sam: to love and to perish,
Sam: Forever and ever
Sam: and ever
Sam: So long as you both shall live?
Sam: Well do you?
Sam: (hick)
Marvin: Of courne ah does, yo' silly.
Sam: All right.
Sam: Now...
Sam: Bolben,
Sam: Do you pomise
Sam: to take this...
Sam: this...
Sam: Uh, man...
Sam: (hick)
Sam: to...
Sam: yadda yadda yadda
Sam: (hick)
Sam: (clomp)
Sam: (snooze)
* gremlinn007 wakes up Sam
Sam: TO HAVE!
Sam: and to hold
Sam: from this day forward
Sam: to the next day
Sam: and the one after that.
Sam: Yeah.
Sam: Till the day after tomorrow.
Sam: (gulp)
Sam: To love and to love
Sam: To call your honeybunchkinwoopums
Sam: In health
Sam: And...uh...when he's sick as a dog.
Sam: And has an awful headache.
Sam: Gosh, it's hot in here.
Sam: Whew.
Sam: So.
Sam: Do you? Do you? Huh?
Sam: Speak up.
Sam: (hick)
Silvercup: yes
Sam: Marbin...you gotta ring or something?
Marvin: Ummm, just a minute...
* gremlinn007 presents the ring
Sam: Ah, thanks.
Sam: (pockets ring)
Sam: I now
Sam: (glug)
Sam: pronounce
Sam: (hick)
Sam: you
Sam: Marvin and Silvercup.
Sam: You know, you're awfully nice.
Sam: But you know, it's HOT in here.
Sam: (hick)
Sam: (faint)
* Dave bonks Sam on the head.
* Marvin turns on a fan.
* Silvercup throws her arms around Marvin
Dave: Man and wife! Say "Man and wife!"
Marvin: Man and Wife, Man and Wife
gremlinn007: kiss her Marv!
* Marvin kisses his new wife
gremlinn007: Sam is sloshed.
I was. I modified the chat script to put
"[sloshed]" next to my name.
Silvercup: aww... honeybunchkinwoopums
Marvin: So, now that Silvercup and I are man and wife, where's the party?
Dave: Not so fast, buddy. I think we all had an agreement here... ;-)
* Dave sobers up Sam with his special RinkWorks anti-drunkeness potion.
.
.
.
Silvercup: Dave, so when do I become beta wife?
Marvin: Once Sam is sobered up.
Dave: Silvercup: As soon as Sam is ready.
Silvercup: So that makes Marvin my Alpha Husband. Dave will be my Beta Husband.
Sam: I don't know if I can handle two ceremonies in one day.
Marvin: Sure you can. Think of it as a challenge.
gremlinn007: Sam: Just copy and paste the preceding ceremony, substituting names where appropriate.
Morris: sam, no one is allowed to perform the ceremony except sam, dave, or leen
Sam: Darn.
Marvin: So then let Dave do his own ceremony.
Dave: Fine, I'll do it myself, since I have the power!
Sam: Ok.
Sam: Silence, please.
* Dave clears his throat
Dave: Silvercup, do you take this wonderful hunk of man-meat Dave, to have and to squeeze,
Dave: In sickness and in not-so-sick anymoreness,
Dave: In good times and in times that can best be described as "Eh,"
Dave: And some other stuff that I'll think of later? Furthermore, do you agree to eat noodly glop every night,
Dave: Twice on Sunday,
Dave: And wait patiently for famous to die?
Dave: If so, please say "I Do".
Silvercup: I do
Dave: Good.
Dave: Now Dave,
Dave: Do you agree to continue ruling as much as you always have,
Dave: And take good care of Silvercup, even when she is cranky,
Dave: And basically be the all around perfect male specimen that you are?
Dave: If so, say "I do."
Dave: I do.
Dave: Super. By the power vested in me by virtue of being a RinkChat admin,
Dave: I now pronounce myself and Silvercup husband and beta wife!
Dave: I may now kiss the bride.
* Dave kisses Silvercup
Sam: Yay! Throw rice in their eyes!
Dave Hooray!
Silvercup: now I've got two husbands!
* Marvin kisses Silvercup
Silvercup: wow. I'm getting kisses from everywhere
Marvin: I don't know if I should feel happy or sad...
Silvercup: Marvin, feel happy. You're alpha husband
gremlinn007: How many wives do you have now, Dave?
Dave: grem: Two and counting. ;-)
Back to the RinkChat Archives.