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Archives: The Wedding Ceremony


I don't even remember how this came about. All I know is that Dave and famous were joking about being married, and suddenly I was asked to perform a ceremony. I had never performed a marriage ceremony before.

Dave: Anyway Sam, I guess as "Captain of the RinkWorks Chatroom", you'll have to perform the marriage ceremony for me and famous, and decree her to be official Alpha Wife and Mrs. DSCSFFWIR.
Sam: Sure.
Sam: Ahem.
Sam: We are gathered here today
Sam: To witness Dave and famous
Sam: Make a big mistake.
Sam: Dave,
Sam: Do you promise
Sam: To have this woman,
Sam: To take and to cherish,
Sam: Along with all your others,
Sam: From this day forward,
Sam: Until you get bored?
Dave: Skip to the end.
Dave: Oh. Yeah, I do.
RinkChat: User Dave has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
Dave has left.
Dave has entered.
Dave: Ok, what was that for?
Sam: This is not "The Princess Bride." Answer the question.
Dave: I did. You kicked me out before reading it.
Sam: There.
Sam: Now.
Sam: famous,
Sam: Do you promise
Sam: To take this man
Sam: To have and to kick
Sam: In sickness and in health,
Sam: To respect the upper-casedness of his name,
Sam: And to not make fun of him
Sam: Except for most of the time
Sam: From this day forward
Sam: So long as you have the time?
famous: I do.
[RinkChat] You are now speaking in the Elmer Fudd dialect.
Sam: Wove...twue wove...
Sam: Wiww fowwow you...
Sam: Fowevew...
[RinkChat] You are now speaking normally.
Dave: Man and wife! Say man and wife!
Sam: I now pronounce you a couple, but not officially, because that position is already taken.
Wolf: Whoohoo!!!! Break out the beer!
famous: I don't drink.
Dave: Ick, I hate beer.
Wolf: So do I! But why should my prejudices ruin the day!
* Sam parties like it's 1:21am.
famous: We need a title!
Dave: You have two already!
famous: No, honey (hehe), we need an official RinkChat title.
Dave: Oh. Well, how about "Official Sponsor of the New Millennium"
Dave: Or is that taken?
Wolf: "Official RinkWorks Monkey-Love"?
Wolf: "Thereby Officially Making A Travesty of the Real Ceremony".
Dave: "Official People Who Don't Really Know Each Other WHo Just Got Pretend Married FOr No Real Reason."
Sam: There you go.
famous: That's it! Perfect!
Dave: Ok. Someone write that down, because I won't remember it in the morning. And make sure to preserve the typos.
Wolf: I logged the entire ceremony. Aw. Troo luv.
famous: I have it in a Word document...Whole ceremony and everything.
famous: wow, that proves we are both women..
Wolf: Yep it does, famous
Dave: Yeah, I was gonna say...

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